Every Year

This time of year, as the snow is slowly melting away (and I mean slowly!) and spring seems like it might really arrive after all, my thoughts always wander back to this time, three years ago. Three years ago today, I had only three days left of the triplet's pregnancy but of course, I didn't know that at the time.

The last six weeks of carrying Carter, Everett, and Finley were such an intense time in our lives.

We were filled with excitement, that three babies were going to join our family any day.

Joy, because ohmygoodness did we already love each of them so much.

Heartache, for me, because living apart from Colin during the three weeks I was in the hospital was the most homesick I've ever been. I saw him during the day, but it wasn't the same. Not at all.

Hope, which grew with every passing week and prenatal marker we knew the boys were achieving (lung development, reaching 3 lbs, then 4 lbs....eventually 5 lbs.)

Gratitude, for our friends and families who carried us through that time. Not literally of course, no one was carrying my triplet body anywhere!

Worry, for what the future might hold. Would their birth go smoothly? How long would they need to be in the NICU? What would their NICU experience be like? How would Colin adjust? How would manage three babies and a two year old? So many questions.

Then there was the physical pain. Those last few weeks I could feel my ribs and joints and muscles stretching past their limits. Standing or walking for more than a minute or so became impossible. Some days I took things hour by hour because that's how intense the pain felt to me. I was however, always keenly aware of how blessed I was to still be carrying them hour by hour. The pain and discomfort was way better than the alternative.

At the end of every day, I'd sit in the shower on my shower chair and let the warm water run over my back and belly. Chris had installed speakers in the shower and every night I'd listen to the same Cd. Nora Jones', Come Away With Me. Especially this song and this song. And I'd think about all those feelings. Excitement, joy, heartache, hope, gratitude, worry, pain and eventually come to a place of peace. Thank you Nora Jones.

Today, those days and night seem so far in our rear view mirror in so many ways. Heck, as I type this, I'm wearing yet another baby in a sling! The triplets are more little boys than toddlers now and are fast asleep up in their big boy beds.

And yet in other ways it still seems like only yesterday. I almost never listen to that Nora Jones album anymore and yet each year around this time, I go looking for it. And I listen. Isn't it wild how music can take you right back?

33 weeks

The day you weren't born

In five short weeks you'll each turn one year old. 

Wow. 

What a celebration that will be. We'll have a party, everyone who loves you will gather around and laugh as you all dig into cake with funny party hats on. It will be a great day! 

But as your mom, this day also feels incredibly significant.... at least one year out it does. Maybe the feelings about that day will gradually feel less raw as the years go by. 

It's the day everybody thought you would be born.... but you weren't.

I've never felt so scared, so not in control, and so helpless as when labor was progressing at a speed and intensity that felt unstoppable. And yet everything in my being was willing it to stop.  I remember that I kept telling anyone who would listen, "This wasn't the plan!" HA!  It wasn't my plan, that's for sure. And what did I think? That somehow if the doctors knew this wasn't my plan, that they'd say, "Oh, okay then, let's forget this ever happened and send you home happy and pregnant."

 Everybody prepared for your arrival that night. The NICU team came in to talk with us between contractions to explain what you'd face being born this early. They told us we wouldn't be able to hold each of you. That made me cry. The little carts with tubes and lights and everything else were prepped and ready. Since then I've met other triplet moms who've had babies born that early and are now thriving. I know that outcomes can be great. But no doubt, being born at barely 29 weeks presents certain risks and challenges, and longer NICU stays. As your mommy, I wasn't ready to have you go into that environment.... not at all.  I wanted you in my belly, close to me, listening to my heartbeat and free of wires, pin pricks and all the other stuff that goes along with NICU stays. 

And then at almost 5 c.m. labor started slowing, the night passed and at some point I must have fallen asleep because I blinked my eyes open to see the sun coming up. Morning had come and you hadn't been born. 

I think about that long night sometimes and I don't know why we got so lucky. I'd had a routine doctors appointment that very day which caught labor early. I was 1.5 cm. without a clue that I was even in labor. By the time we reached labor and delivery, basically down the hall, I was 2 cm then quickly 3 cm. Still, I didn't feel contractions that felt out of the realm of what I normally felt as "stretching" day to day. It was also the first appointment in months that Chris had accompanied me to, because he'd happened to have an opening in his work schedule. Another weird coincidence because Lord knows, I needed him by my side as soon as they said, "You're in labor."

In my heart I feel certain that if I hadn't had that scheduled doctors appointment, on that very day, at that time, I wouldn't have realized that I was in labor until it was too late to stop it.

Today my heart is filled with deep gratitude.
Gratitude that for reasons I may never understand, the events one year ago today unfolded in such a mysterious and perfect way that allowed each one of you to stay snuggled up together in my belly for 5 more weeks. It wasn't easy but it will remain one of the great blessings of my life.

Get ready to party in five more weeks :)

I went on a run today

Okay, so it was more of a very slow jog, or some might even call it a fast walk.

The point is that I did it and it felt great! 

Actually, it felt like I hadn't run in almost a year. It felt like I'd just gotten done housing three humans in my belly and had no core muscles left..... hence the extremely slow turtles pace.

I used to love to run and even ran a marathon many moons ago. I love that feeling when you finish a long run and you've pushed yourself and your muscles are burning and your lungs are invigorated with air. I crave to feel that again. 

When I was super pregnant with the boys and my body felt like it was breaking was breaking I wasn't sure I'd ever do any sort of physical activity again. Sounds dramatic, but when you are so huge that you need help to get out of bed and you can't do any stairs, it's hard to envision running again or even chasing your two year old around the playground.

But here I am doing it. And I actually feel pretty great.

The human body is freaking amazing to me. I was amazed the first time I was pregnant. That this body could build a human, birth it and then go back to pretty much normal. Amazing! Now I have even more gratitude for this body. I really couldn't care less about the extra little belly left over from stretching to accommodate three lives. As women we are so often too hard on ourselves. I for one, hope I never again criticize my body for anything. Look what it did for me. It carried my beautiful boys and delivered them healthy to me.

So with Colin in the jogging stroller, pinwheel in his hand and a whole lot of gratitude in my heart we took off for our first post babies run... or trot... or jog... or fast walk... whatever it was it felt good.

Thank you to my Dad

After almost three months of living with us, my Dad headed home. It's hard to even put words to how grateful I am for the gift that he's given my boys. I know I was able to carry these babies longer thanks to all the help he gave us. In addition, our worries over who would be here to care for Colin when we could not were completely lifted.

He did all the non-glamorous jobs around the house that somehow needed to get done despite everything going on. The trash cans were always empty, the kitchen was cleaned, the grocery shopping completed, and the laundry done. Chris would joke how he'd place a sock in the laundry basket and an hour later it would be clean and back in his closet. I still can't figure out how he managed to stay on top of the laundry.... I sure can't seem to do that! Most importantly, my Dad cared for Colin in all the ways that I could not (lifting him onto the bar stools for lunch, dressing him, carrying him up the stairs for nap time, chasing him at the park, going on long walks).

When I was in the hospital for three weeks, my Dad's role in Colin's little world became even more important. Chris was still working as much as possible (so that he could save his time off for when the babies arrived), while caring for me at the hospital, and spending time with Colin at home. It was a lot to juggle. Every single morning, my Dad drove Colin to the hospital to spend time with me. The three of us would often take a "field trip" down the hospital lobby and sit by the windows. Colin would watch the cars, trucks and buses going by and my Dad and I would talk. Although that time period was incredibly challenging, I carry with me such fond memories of our chats by the window.

Thanks to my Dad, Colin got introduced to Costco where they'd visit often. Chris and I aren't members but my Dad is. I have to do cartwheels to get Colin to try new foods at home but he can't get enough of the samples at Costco! Apparently as soon as they'd enter Costco Colin would say, "Eat!" and they'd travel around to all the sample tables. Cracks me up. Chris and I also now have jumbo size containers of salt, milk, baby wipes, you name it. :)

The two of them also spent a lot of time out front doing yard work and greeting people passing by. Just the other day I was sitting out front with Colin and a man walking his dog strolled by and asked, "How are the triplets?!" I had no idea who he was so I cautiously responded, "Good". As he walked off he said, "I've heard all about them because I'm friends with your Dad." Ha! We've lived here almost three years and know very few neighbors. My Dad's here three months and gets to know most of them. No surprise there.

Each night before bed, Colin would kiss Pop-Pop goodnight and say "Help, help!" while pretending to shovel and work. My Dad would make the same gesture and say, "You bet! Get a goodnight sleep and tomorrow we'll work again! I'm going to need your help!" "Okay!", Colin would respond, with a big smile on his face, clearly excited for the next day. No matter how early Colin would get up, my Dad was always happy and willing to get up and play.

Needless to say, we loved having my Dad around. When I rewind a few years to the day I sat by his hospital bed and learned he had stage 4 multiple myeloma, one of the things I wondered most was, "Will my children get to know him?" Well, not only does Colin know him, but they have formed a deep and lasting bond. For that I am so grateful.

When my Dad packed up his things and left last week I didn't know quite how to thank him for what he's done for us, except to say that we are better for his example, and that we'll look to pay it forward with our own boys.

One last picture before saying goodbye

Dear boys,

We've made it 34 weeks! You haven't even stepped into this world and already you're showing people never to count you out.

This morning, I was reflecting back on that night, which at the time felt like my worst nightmare for this pregnancy, unfolding. Your Dad and I prepared ourselves to meet you, look at you and get to know you through the barrier of NICU isolettes. All the doctors told us that would be the likely outcome.

But God had other plans. 

As hopeful as we tried to be, in my heart I never imagined that together we could hold on for over five more weeks, and counting..... 

Your strength and tenacity inspires me already and I can only imagine what you'll be like in this world. There will be no stopping you. 

And I know you have much to teach me, as you've already taught me so much.

 That I can push my body further than I thought, that I endure more that I thought, to have patience (which has never been my strong suit!), to have faith and trust the bigger plan- whatever it may be, and to somehow embrace the unknown. 

This whole pregnancy I've felt that I had to meet each of you in this world to know what your names should be and who's who. 

But this morning it suddenly seemed very clear. 

I know who each one of you is now. 

We can't wait to meet you.... whenever you're ready!

I think I can... I think I can...

I haven't been posting regularly this past week because it's hard to know what to say without sounding like I'm just complaining. You would think I have soooo much time on my hands to return calls, e-mails and write. But the truth is, tolerating this new level of uncomfortability has been all consuming.

The weekend started out wonderful. My mom came to visit and helped more than words can express. On Saturday we even went to Target to buy a few things for the babies. Here I am rolling around Target on my scooter:

By the way, returning to Target after being away for so long, felt like a true slice of heaven.

When we got home, my mom let me sit in a reclining chair and direct her on where to put this and that for the babies...... for hours. You can't do that with many people, thats for sure. Only a mothers love can tolerate and maybe even enjoy an afternoon such as this.

We decided that on each floor we'll have a changing table and keep lots of onesies, sleepers, blankets and other supplies at each of these stations. That's the plan at least. So we spent the day filling each "station" with supplies. Here's Chris putting together the crib and one of the changing tables:

Then sunday I woke up at 5 a.m. with contractions which lasted for about 6-7 hours, stopped and started again in the evening. They never got worse but they were impossible to ignore. What was different about this series of contractions was intense back pain that kicked in mid morning. I wasn't sure if it was back labor, which I never experienced with Colin, or if it was just pain from the babies positions. In any case, it was a long day.

Monday was the same experience. Tuesday, I went to see the doctor and explained to her how I was feeling, which is basically like my body is being pulled apart in some sort of midieval torture device. I feel tremendous pressure, intense back and side pain, and rib pain all the time. I even packed a bag for the hospital thinking that once they heard how much pain I was in, surely they'd send me over to have the babies. I just couldn't see how this could continue. Instead, the doctor kindly explained that this is often the point in a triplet pregnancy where discomfort can reach a new level. She said I can take tylenol around the clock, something to help me sleep and if needed, I can take even stronger pain meds. On ultrasound, each of the babies measured around 5 lbs and long. They are simply running out of room and trying to find additional space.

So back home we came.

On one hand, I'm happy that they didn't send me over to the hospital because obviously I know it's best for the babies to keep cooking. I'm also thankful that they're big for their gestational age. I just pray that I can endure for them.

They're somehow not giving up so how can I?

32 Weeks!!!

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday we hit that milestone of 32 weeks, which at 29 weeks had seemed so elusive.

 Way to go boys!

Over the past few days the doctors began quietly talking with me about the possibility of going home but didn't bring it up as a serious option until Sunday morning. They said that since I'm 32 weeks, live fairly close to the hospital, stable, and have lots of help at home, that it was my choice whether to stay in the hospital or go home.

For me the decision was a no brainer. As soon as I heard "home" as a possibility, I was pretty much packing my bags. My family was hesitant to see me leave the safety of the hospital, but they know once my heart gets set on something, that there's no talking me out of it.

So by 12:30 on Sunday afternoon, I stepped out into the brisk Chicago air for the first time in three weeks and a short drive later was home.

I know this picture is as cheesy as they come, and truthfully I don't even remember doing this. But it certainly captures how I felt seeing my husband, son and dog standing out front with smiles on their faces.

Colin was initially not as excited as I'd hoped he'd be. Although Chris had prepared him that I was on my way home, he looked confused again, just as he'd been when he first came to visit me at the hospital. I was disappointed in his reaction truthfully. Once we had lunch and settled in, it was time for colin to nap. I also was tired from the move home, so the two of us settled in bed together. He kept staring at me and touching my face with two hands. For a while he didn't say anything and neither did I. Then out of nowhere he gently put his chubby little hands on either side of my face and said, "Home".

My sweet, sweet little boy, adjusting, adapting, and putting the pieces together in his own way, in his own time.

My ever thoughtful mom had homemade lasagna for dinner followed by a little cake and candles to celebrate the boys reaching 32 weeks.

My husband got the boys tiny little onesies to celebrate. For the first time, I let myself hold and look closely at the little outfits and imagined with excitement that they'd soon be filled with babies. Before, I worried that if I did too much imagining about the babies and got too excited to meet them, that maybe my body would stop fighting so hard to keep them in my belly. That may sound crazy, but it's such a mental effort to keep them in every day now and I've made a real effort to just picture them comfy and cozy IN my belly. However, with each passing week, I'm more and more letting myself imagine what they'll be like, smell like and feel like once they're in our arms. How wonderful it will be.

Today was a yucky day. I'm fighting a cold, feeling way overstretched and missing home. Of all days, this was the day one of the nurses decided to stop by and share stories of her brother and sister-in-law who have triplets and "Almost lost their minds the first year". She went on and on about how hard it was, how "The lights were on 24/7 because they just never ever slept", and on and on and on.

I felt trapped in bed by the weight of my belly and couldn't get away, so just kept saying, "It will be an adventure, that's for sure!", trying to end the conversation. She didn't take the hint. She asked if we had hired help lined up to which I said, "No, just family support". Wrong answer if you don't want to loose your mind apparently. Finally she shook her head as if there were no words for how difficult it would be.

Awesome.

I'm sure in some way she meant well and surely had no way of knowing that her words would bring tears as soon as she left, or that she was making an already taxing day worse. But let me tell you, that was not what I needed to hear today! I'm not expecting this journey to be easy and for that reason I've chosen to just take things one day at a time right now. Honestly, right now I'm rarely thinking about when the babies are home. Rather, I'm just trying mentally to keep them in my belly and keep peaceful, optimistic and calm in preparation for their birth. Again, taking it one day at a time.

My husband texted me and asked if he should drive downtown to give me a hug and I said, "YES". So he did. That simple act of kindness somehow made all the difference in the world. As long as I know I have him as my teammate, this will be okay. It just will.

Then he wheeled me down to the waiting room for a change of pace and there we waited for the rest of the crew to arrive bringing dinner.

brothers kicking!

They all reminded me of what a wonderful blessing we're receiving with these babies and although this isn't always easy right now, lots of joy is ahead...... and that it's okay to have bad days when you've been stuck in the hospital for 19 days.... and also that I should've just kicked that loose lipped nurse out of my room (that last part was my brother's suggestion)

We'll be just fine

It's Biophysical Tuesday!

Every tuesday, for as long as I'm here, I go down for a biophysical profile to assess how the babies are doing. Last week they didn't check growth but today they did and the news was good!

Baby A is 4 lbs 4 oz

Baby B is 4 lbs 7 oz

Baby C is 3 lbs 15 oz

All continue to measure above average in weight and length which is great news given that there's a very good chance they will arrive much earlier than we hoped. It just makes me feel so much better knowing that they are pretty good size! 

I was only able to get a picture of Baby B which doesn't feel right to post without his brothers. Baby A continues to move lower and lower so a pic of him is impossible and C is so crammed up against my left side (poor guy) that a picture of him was also impossible. I'd been wondering why my left rib cage hurt so much this week and now I know!

Baby B might be my little trouble maker. He has no problem pushing his brothers aside for space- and he's taking up a good section of space! Towards the end of the ultrasound, we saw baby C's little arm gently push B's head over to try and get a little breathing room. I was glad to see him assert himself. :)

30 weeks, 1 day

Still pregnant! 

That's the good news, very good news!!

The bad news is that I'm missing my son so bad sometimes it just completely overwhelms me no matter how hard I try to be positive. It's like the worst case of homesickness imaginable. Homesick for him.

He comes each day to visit but it's not the same 

What I really miss are all the little moments throughout the day that all add up to getting to be his mom 

I chose to be a stay at home mom because I wanted to be around for all those little moments during his day- helping him to get dressed in the morning, fixing his breakfast, helping him down the stairs, hearing his attempt at new words which blossom every day, helping him to navigate his budding desire for independence, napping with him, driving him to his activities, waiting with him at the front door for daddy to arrive, and laughing at all his little antics. Between his dynamic little play skills and new words emerging each day, I'm often taken off guard and frequently laughing out loud.

Of course it's also the day in day out "work" of motherhood that can get so tiring. But right about now, I'd take any tantrum filled, sleep deprived, grey hair inducing, exhausting mommy day happily. 

Colin, on the other hand, is doing pretty well. He's getting SO MUCH love from his grandparents, aunts and uncles. And Chris is working overtime to help keep Colin's routine as consistent as possible while also taking care of me (and working full time). 

I keep trying to look ahead and remember that this is only temporary. It's what needs to happen to help bring our other three children into this world with the best advantage. 

I love to picture our family hanging out on our deck this summer, Chris and I and our four little, healthy, happy boys. 

All of us together.

Scenes from the 9th Floor- Friday Night!

My whole family came in to keep me company- and feed me pizza which is always good for the soul. 

What a boost they gave us!

The boys get their heartbeats monitored twice a day, and they are doing great! As for me, I'm still having occasional contractions, some stronger than others, but they say that's to be expected from here on out. I finished the series of pills which can help stop contractions, and the plan is that if I go into labor again, they will deliver the boys. Could be today, could be next week, or- dare we hope- could be still a few weeks out. Chris has been staying with me at the hospital every single night. At this point, he probably doesn't need to and I'm sure he'd get a better nights sleep at home, but looking over and seeing him here helps me to relax, and feel safe and secure. 

Our spirits are really good. Going into preterm labor at 29 weeks certainly wasn't in our ideal plan, but I'm realizing more and more that with a triplet pregnancy, this is very common. We just need to adjust and move forward with optimism. Having the awesome support of family and friends makes that so much easier!

Best laid plans....

In my head, this is how the birth of our triplets would unfold:

I'd carry them until at least 35 weeks, maybe even longer, then I'd go into labor naturally, head to the hospital and naturally deliver them. They would be great in size and healthy so they'd stay in our room with us. In my head I always pictured the three of them lined up next to my bed. Never really allowed myself to picture them in the NICU. I envisioned the main challenges of our first days together as being how I would coordinate feeding, and how Chris and I would find any time to sleep. Those would be our primary worries. I pictured our 3 healthy, chubby little men coming home all together with us whenever I also left the hospital. And then our lives with triplets plus one would continue to unfold at home. Best laid plans....

I'm typing this from my hospital room right now, 4 cm dilated with contractions slowing but not completely gone. I'm 29 weeks and 4 days. The doctors are continuing to do all they can to stop labor for as long as possible. This could be for a day, a few days, a week or dare I hope, a few more weeks.

On tuesday, after such an uneventful pregnancy, I suddenly went into labor. At a routine doctors appointment I shared with them that I thought I'd noticed some occasional brackston hicks contractions but nothing that I was concerned about. However, when the doctor checked my cervix, I was 1 1/2 c.m. dilated. I was shocked because each week I'd had such completely uneventful check ups. Then I assumed that since I was dilated a bit, that would mean I now had to see the doctor weekly..... instead she immediately sent us over to labor and delivery.

By the time they checked me again, contractions were getting stronger and I was two cm dilated, then three, then almost five.

CRAP.

Chris and I just kept looking at each other in disbelief. This wasn't the plan!

We kept saying, "Can you believe this is happening?!"


As a pediatric occupational therapist myself, I know all too well the dangers babies face when born into this world too early. 29 weeks is TOO EARLY. And yet, the contractions wouldn't stop. The doctors started giving me a dose of steroids which helps speed of development of the babies- particularly lung development, and also gave me medicine to try and stop contractions. When the contractions didn't seem to be slowing and my cervix just kept dilating, they also began giving me drugs with anticipation of possible delivery- magnesium to reduce risk of cerebral palsy, as well as penicillin and some others.

Then the NICU doctors arrived to share with us what our babies might look, be like, and face if born now. It was the worst, hardest conversation that I've ever had to sit through. Honestly, I just couldn't wait for them to leave because I didn't want to hear anymore. If we were scared before, we were terrified after that discussion.

And so a long night began. Lot's of poking, prodding, monitoring and other not fun medical procedures. Without question or hesitation I'll go through anything I have to for these babies, but it wasn't fun. I kept thinking back to when I was on this very same floor laboring with colin, how different it was. Also uncomfortable certainly, but I knew that I had a baby to look forward to at the end of all of it, one that I could immediately cuddle and nurse and be with every second. This time around, on this night, the goal/ the prize, wasn't to have the babies but avoid it if at all possible.

I finally fell asleep around 6 a.m. and when I woke up things had subsided a bit. The contractions spaced out and by the end of the day we knew that they weren't changing the cervix anymore- for now at least. Obviously, that was EXCELLENT news. It also meant that I got to switch from the labor and delivery floor to a monitoring floor. I got to sleep last night without any wires hanging off me or middle of the night medical procedures which was blissful!

So the plan is to just wait and see.... and hope. Hope that labor continues to be stalled as long as possible so these boys can stay put as long as possible. But also hope that if they have to come much sooner than we planned, that they will be healthy and that somehow we will find strength as parents that we didn't know we had, to help them in their nicu journey.

Meanwhile I'm waiting for little c to arrive ANY MINUTE. I can hardly wait to see him, hug him, kiss him and allow his smile remind me of all that is good and right in this world.

The song in my head these days....

Did you ever see the Ally McBeal episode where she chooses a theme song for her life that plays in her head while she walks down the street?

Well, I have something similar playing in my head these days. Whenever I get up to walk/ waddle somewhere, I hear that song from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the one that the Oompa loompa's sing, playing in my head.

  "Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo....."

Never fails :)

28 Weeks Today!

After church I took a long nap with Colin and then spent the rest of the afternoon reading books with him in bed. I swear he brought EVERY book from his room to be read. But I enjoyed it because cuddling and reading is something that I can actually do without getting exhausted or feeling like my belly's going to just pop. 

Tonight, because I wanted to get out of the house, and because my husband announced that he was going to buy new jeans and I wanted a say :), I went with him to Kohls. 

After walking from the front of the store to the Men's department I HAD to sit down. There were no chairs, so there I sat, on the floor, in the middle of the jeans department while my husband tried on jeans and modeled them. 

Our trip to Kohls was successful.

Chris found two great pairs of jeans (on his own I might add!) Well done!

And the whole time we were there, little c was yelling "Mama! Mama!"

From the ground, I'd reply,  "I'm over here little man!"

He must have said "Mama" literally 50 plus times in the hour we were there, which cracks me up because all this past year I've been waiting to hear those words and now it seems he's making up for lost time!
No complaints about that.

You are so loved!

Dear Triplets,

You've been growing in my belly for almost 28 weeks now! Great job!! So many people are rooting for you to stay put and grow as big and strong as you can, especially your Dad, big brother and I.
 Keep up the good work boys!

Your Pop-Pop has even started coming during the week to help out in any way that he can. Colin and I just waved goodbye to him at the window after another great week together. 

(Watching Pop-Pop leave)

When he's here things just run sooo much more smoothly. He does the laundry, cleans the kitchen, helps with meals, and most importantly plays and helps care for your big brother. I could not be more thankful for the help and also for the opportunity for colin to get to spend such quality time with him. I know Daddy worries about me doing too much while he's at work, so having Pop-Pop here to help not only alleviates our work load, but also much of his worry. 

(Colin and Pop-Pop working hard!)

And, he takes us out to Toast, our favorite breakfast spot so I can feed you boys lots of yummy food!

I know that your Gramma would also like to come help but she's a teacher and is saving her vacation for when you're born! Although I'm sure she misses Pop-Pop when he's gone, she doesn't let on that this is any sort of inconvenience.

At first I felt so bad about taking him away from her and missing his full life in Michigan to drive each week to Chicago and help us. But then something clicked. This is not just about me, or colin, or daddy. It's about you guys. You are already so loved by your grandparents that they are willing to sacrifice their time and togetherness to help give each of you your very best start in life. 

It brings tears to my eyes.

Just look how loved you are already!

Slowly, slowly getting the guts to share this blog.....

So I started this blog about a year and a half ago, for all these reasons. And then I told no one (except my husband). Never intended to tell anyone. If people happened upon this blog and for some reason found it interesting, I was fine with that, but my intention was never to have it be anything more than my original reasons for starting it. It just felt too personal.

Those origonal reasons still stand, but I'm becoming more open to the idea of family and friends, or whomever reading this blog if they so desire.

Chris and I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support we've received from family and friends since sharing our news of triplets. People all over are praying for these babies, wishing them well, offering supplies, sending diapers, giving advice and cooking yummy meals for us. My dad has started coming Tuesday through Friday (from Michigan!) to play with Colin and basically make my life easier in any way he can. My mother in law has also come in to help. Like I say, it's overwhelming and humbling. It's hard to accept help but the truth is, we can't do this alone. I can't express how appreciative we are. So in that light, I want to offer people the opportunity to follow the pregnancy and the babies development once they arrive, if they want.

And there's another reason to share this blog. It has to do with the fact that before I had my son, I barely had an understanding of what a blog even was. I never read any blogs, let alone considered writing one myself! But then somehow I stumbled onto a mommy blog, and then another and another. I loved- and still love- reading blogs written by other moms and hearing about the daily triumphs, tribulations and laughable moments that come from parenting. It makes me feel less alone. Some even make me laugh out loud.

Then when we struggled to get pregnant I appreciated those woman who had the courage to so honestly blog about their own experiences with infertility and miscarriage. It made me feel less alone and some gave me hope. And then I thought, maybe our story could help others feel less alone, even hopeful.

I thought another mommy blogger put it best when she said something like, "when parenting young children, there's hardly any time to read actual novels or long magazine articles.... a blog entry is the perfect length to read in between diaper changes, while nursing or during that brief moment of peace and quiet." I couldn't agree more!

Wonderful yet OMG!!

(Babies A and B... C was laying face down and so the ultrasound technician couldn't get a profile shot this time)

I had a great doctors appointment today! 

The boys are all growing fantastically! They are each 2 lb. 11 ounces, 2 lb. 10 ounces and 2 lb. 7 ounces which means they're all above average for weight- and that's as compared to a singleton baby. Do I sound like a proud mama?! Well, I am. 

I'd been slightly worried these past few days because I really only feel movement on the right side of my belly. Well, the ultrasound revealed that they're each positioned so that all their feet seem to converge together on the right side. 

So cute!

Really, the best part was seeing them. They look like real babies at this point. I just can't hardly wait to be able to hold and cuddle each one of them.

My meeting with the doctor went well too. I continue to show absolutely no signs of pre-term labor.  This news combined with the news that the boys are growing so big and strong left me both elated and then on the drive home thinking..... Oh My God..... just how big and uncomfortable will I be if I'm blessed enough to carry these boys another two plus months?! I know I should just be grateful for the good news and the potential opportunity to continue carrying these boys a while but carrying triplets is definitely more mentally and physically demanding than I ever could have imagined. 

One day at a time...... how worth it, it will be!

An ultrasound and a walk down memory lane

Today I headed over to the hospital for yet another ultrasound followed by a check in with my doctor. I love the opportunity to see my boys on the big screen, however, these ultrasounds can often take a long time (our longest was almost 3 hours!). I'm learning that getting the right pictures of triplets can often be tricky, especially if they move a lot, as mine seem to. Or at least they move a lot during ultrasound time!

So.... 6 weeks ago, the ultrasound took 3 hours because the boys were moving and squirming and the technician couldn't get all the necessary pictures of the heart. So we were told to come back again in two weeks. We did.... had another long ultrasound..... and still they couldn't seem to get the right pictures. So yesterday, the doctor sent me over to get a more specialized ultrasound by a pediatric cardiologist. This made me slightly nervous. We have no history of pediatric heart disease in our family, but of course, you never know. Anyway, the boys hearts look fantastic, completely normal!

What was cracking me up during the whole process though was how the Doctor couldn't keep track of who was who. She'd scan one and then move to the next but constantly second guess herself. "Wait, is this baby A or baby B? Did I already scan this baby? Oh shoot, I can't keep track". She'd even start talking to them, "Please be still, just for a minute...oh shoot.... he moved!" My boys...... already so cooperative :)

The other thing that cracked me up/ freaked me out is that as I'd be watching one baby get scanned on the screen, I'd suddenly see a foot out of nowhere come into the picture and kick the baby. I wanted to say, "Hey! Be nice to your brother!" It's like they're already rough housing in utero! I know that they're just trying to find space but still, funny to imagine brothers already pushing and shoving each other before they're even born. Boys!

This specialized ultrasound was done at Prentice, the women's hospital which is part of Northwestern. It was the first time I'd been back there since Colin was born. Walking in, I passed the area where the new moms wait with their ity bity babies while the dads go get the car and pull around. They all look so tired, excited, cautious and a little scared. Just how I remember feeling. I also passed the area where the dads valet their car and scurry in with their wives in labor. It took me back to that cold, dark, late night arrival for us. The night that we got to finally meet Colin. I could feel myself getting emotional just seeing these sights and remembering our own journey. I think giving birth is the most magical experience and I'm so blessed to be able to have it. Yes it hurts, yes it's hard but it's also so amazing. I can't wait to experience the birthing process with these boys too.

Labor starting with Colin

 His arrival!

Heading home :)

Feeling....

babies kicking!

Chillin' with Olive

Overwhelmed.

I'm sitting in the middle of my living room which is just off the kitchen and everywhere I look it's a mess. There's a complete disaster of piles as far as the eye can see.

Lately I've had the decluttering bug BIG TIME. I feel so driven to get majorly organized and give away any belongings that we're not using on a regular basis so that we can chill in a clean, organized, 'ready for triplets' house.

The only problem is that my body isn't cooperating.

I'm almost 23 weeks and overall things are going great. Each of the boys are growing fantastic and are even above average in size which is amazing (I knew my cravings for copious amounts of mac and cheese would pay off!). Also, I'm not showing any signs of preterm labor (knock on wood) another great blessing.

However, my body is really starting to feel the weight of this pregnancy. An ultrasound two days ago revealed that Baby A is actually laying horizontal across the lowest part of my abdomen and as the day goes on he seems to nestle in lower and lower. And then the other brothers pile on top (at least that's how it feels!).

By mid day, I can almost hear my body screaming for me to just sit down, relax and shred my "to do" list. But my mind SO BADLY wants this house ready for the babies NOW that it's hard to stop tackling my list. It's not even like I'm doing that much, but just being on my feet for too long lately causes tremendous discomfort.

Our home, which we've been remodeling ourselves for two and half years, is almost done. We're truly SO CLOSE to the finish line which is very exciting. But there are a few semi-major projects that need finishing. AND I JUST WANT THEM DONE! NOW! And yes, I realize how impatient that sounds!

Today, during my weekly mom's bible study, the other women asked what they could pray for me about. I said the consistent prayer that I have about the health of my babies, that they grow and thrive and stay put for as many weeks as possible. My hope is to carry them 35 weeks. However, today I also asked that they specifically pray that my body can endure.

Well, I've been thinking about this all day and I realize that what I really should have asked for in prayer, is not only that my body can go the distance, but that I can accept the need to slow down, have the courage to ask for help, and faith that this home will be ready to welcome our boys."

I love when my husband offers to help by rubbing my back, or my feet, but it's hard to ask for help with things that I normally could to for myself quickly and efficiently, such as organizing the kitchen, carrying boxes to the garage, moving things to storage, and running errands". This recent challenge is revealing just how hard it is for me to slow down and ask for help. But I'm going to try to do so and have faith that it will all get done. Somehow. Someway.