32 Weeks!!!

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday we hit that milestone of 32 weeks, which at 29 weeks had seemed so elusive.

 Way to go boys!

Over the past few days the doctors began quietly talking with me about the possibility of going home but didn't bring it up as a serious option until Sunday morning. They said that since I'm 32 weeks, live fairly close to the hospital, stable, and have lots of help at home, that it was my choice whether to stay in the hospital or go home.

For me the decision was a no brainer. As soon as I heard "home" as a possibility, I was pretty much packing my bags. My family was hesitant to see me leave the safety of the hospital, but they know once my heart gets set on something, that there's no talking me out of it.

So by 12:30 on Sunday afternoon, I stepped out into the brisk Chicago air for the first time in three weeks and a short drive later was home.

I know this picture is as cheesy as they come, and truthfully I don't even remember doing this. But it certainly captures how I felt seeing my husband, son and dog standing out front with smiles on their faces.

Colin was initially not as excited as I'd hoped he'd be. Although Chris had prepared him that I was on my way home, he looked confused again, just as he'd been when he first came to visit me at the hospital. I was disappointed in his reaction truthfully. Once we had lunch and settled in, it was time for colin to nap. I also was tired from the move home, so the two of us settled in bed together. He kept staring at me and touching my face with two hands. For a while he didn't say anything and neither did I. Then out of nowhere he gently put his chubby little hands on either side of my face and said, "Home".

My sweet, sweet little boy, adjusting, adapting, and putting the pieces together in his own way, in his own time.

My ever thoughtful mom had homemade lasagna for dinner followed by a little cake and candles to celebrate the boys reaching 32 weeks.

My husband got the boys tiny little onesies to celebrate. For the first time, I let myself hold and look closely at the little outfits and imagined with excitement that they'd soon be filled with babies. Before, I worried that if I did too much imagining about the babies and got too excited to meet them, that maybe my body would stop fighting so hard to keep them in my belly. That may sound crazy, but it's such a mental effort to keep them in every day now and I've made a real effort to just picture them comfy and cozy IN my belly. However, with each passing week, I'm more and more letting myself imagine what they'll be like, smell like and feel like once they're in our arms. How wonderful it will be.

Grateful

At the end of what felt like an especially long day, I couldn't have asked for more:

Colin's been so hesitant around me lately and very clingy to Chris which is hard. But somehow tonight, something shifted.

He curled up in my lap on my hospital bed and I gave him a massage for about 45 minutes, while we smiled at each other and said nothing.

I soooo needed this.

Day 8 of hospital bed rest!

Well, I've been here a whole week. The week has gone pretty fast and we're settling in to this "new normal", figuring out the new routines at home, work and here. 

Today I had a pretty good day as far as being stuck in the hospital goes. Colin came to visit this morning, and we had a great time together playing with his cars. Before he arrived though, I went down to ultrasound to get a biophysical profile on the boys. I really enjoyed seeing them! They're cute little guys. The biophysical profile looks at how they're breathing, heart rates, positioning, and fluid levels (amongst other things I'm sure, but that's all I remember). The boys continue to do great and everything looks really good.

 I now have pictures of babies B and C by my bed but baby A couldn't get his full picture taken because he's SO LOW. Well, I didn't need an ultrasound to confirm that. I swear, I feel like he's just waiting for any opportunity to just jump out! Every day I have to have a little talk with him and tell him to stay in a bit longer. Actually, I have a talk with all the boys to hang on a little longer with me.

Baby C seems very comfy. I had to laugh because when the technician scanned C he was laying on his back with his arm hanging up over his head, partially covering his face. It was EXACTLY how I was laying on the ultrasound table and how I often lay in bed. And their antics were on display too. As baby C was getting his profile done, baby B's cute little hand kept coming into the picture and poking him. I guess they're keeping each other entertained in there. 

I'd hoped to get back to the room before little c arrived so that he didn't have to see me approach in a wheelchair but he beat me. As my 'escort' pushed me up to the door, there he was wide eyed and waiting. Without missing a beat Chris said, "Oh there's mommy, she was on a walk. Look, she's in a stroller!" Colin loved that, thought it was hilarious. I've been laughing about it at random times today too- "my mommy stroller". 

The doctor said that although each day the boys can stay in is wonderful, 32 weeks should be our next goal. So that's what we'll be praying for. 

Two more weeks.
Hang on boys!

30 weeks, 1 day

Still pregnant! 

That's the good news, very good news!!

The bad news is that I'm missing my son so bad sometimes it just completely overwhelms me no matter how hard I try to be positive. It's like the worst case of homesickness imaginable. Homesick for him.

He comes each day to visit but it's not the same 

What I really miss are all the little moments throughout the day that all add up to getting to be his mom 

I chose to be a stay at home mom because I wanted to be around for all those little moments during his day- helping him to get dressed in the morning, fixing his breakfast, helping him down the stairs, hearing his attempt at new words which blossom every day, helping him to navigate his budding desire for independence, napping with him, driving him to his activities, waiting with him at the front door for daddy to arrive, and laughing at all his little antics. Between his dynamic little play skills and new words emerging each day, I'm often taken off guard and frequently laughing out loud.

Of course it's also the day in day out "work" of motherhood that can get so tiring. But right about now, I'd take any tantrum filled, sleep deprived, grey hair inducing, exhausting mommy day happily. 

Colin, on the other hand, is doing pretty well. He's getting SO MUCH love from his grandparents, aunts and uncles. And Chris is working overtime to help keep Colin's routine as consistent as possible while also taking care of me (and working full time). 

I keep trying to look ahead and remember that this is only temporary. It's what needs to happen to help bring our other three children into this world with the best advantage. 

I love to picture our family hanging out on our deck this summer, Chris and I and our four little, healthy, happy boys. 

All of us together.

Scenes from the 9th Floor- Friday Night!

My whole family came in to keep me company- and feed me pizza which is always good for the soul. 

What a boost they gave us!

The boys get their heartbeats monitored twice a day, and they are doing great! As for me, I'm still having occasional contractions, some stronger than others, but they say that's to be expected from here on out. I finished the series of pills which can help stop contractions, and the plan is that if I go into labor again, they will deliver the boys. Could be today, could be next week, or- dare we hope- could be still a few weeks out. Chris has been staying with me at the hospital every single night. At this point, he probably doesn't need to and I'm sure he'd get a better nights sleep at home, but looking over and seeing him here helps me to relax, and feel safe and secure. 

Our spirits are really good. Going into preterm labor at 29 weeks certainly wasn't in our ideal plan, but I'm realizing more and more that with a triplet pregnancy, this is very common. We just need to adjust and move forward with optimism. Having the awesome support of family and friends makes that so much easier!