Thursday, March 27, 2014

Every Year

This time of year, as the snow is slowly melting away (and I mean slowly!) and spring seems like it might really arrive after all, my thoughts always wander back to this time, three years ago. Three years ago today, I had only three days left of the triplet's pregnancy but of course, I didn't know that at the time.

The last six weeks of carrying Carter, Everett, and Finley were such an intense time in our lives.

We were filled with excitement, that three babies were going to join our family any day.

Joy, because ohmygoodness did we already love each of them so much.

Heartache, for me, because living apart from Colin during the three weeks I was in the hospital was the most homesick I've ever been. I saw him during the day, but it wasn't the same. Not at all.

Hope, which grew with every passing week and prenatal marker we knew the boys were achieving (lung development, reaching 3 lbs, then 4 lbs....eventually 5 lbs.)

Gratitude, for our friends and families who carried us through that time. Not literally of course, no one was carrying my triplet body anywhere!

Worry, for what the future might hold. Would their birth go smoothly? How long would they need to be in the NICU? What would their NICU experience be like? How would Colin adjust? How would manage three babies and a two year old? So many questions.

Then there was the physical pain. Those last few weeks I could feel my ribs and joints and muscles stretching past their limits. Standing or walking for more than a minute or so became impossible. Some days I took things hour by hour because that's how intense the pain felt to me. I was however, always keenly aware of how blessed I was to still be carrying them hour by hour. The pain and discomfort was way better than the alternative.

At the end of every day, I'd sit in the shower on my shower chair and let the warm water run over my back and belly. Chris had installed speakers in the shower and every night I'd listen to the same Cd. Nora Jones', Come Away With Me. Especially this song and this song. And I'd think about all those feelings. Excitement, joy, heartache, hope, gratitude, worry, pain and eventually come to a place of peace. Thank you Nora Jones.

Today, those days and night seem so far in our rear view mirror in so many ways. Heck, as I type this, I'm wearing yet another baby in a sling! The triplets are more little boys than toddlers now and are fast asleep up in their big boy beds.

And yet in other ways it still seems like only yesterday. I almost never listen to that Nora Jones album anymore and yet each year around this time, I go looking for it. And I listen. Isn't it wild how music can take you right back?

33 weeks

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