Flying solo

So.... Chris was away on a business trip this week. It was the first time since the babies were born that he's travelled and I was a little nervous to have the boys by myself! Our amazing helper Amelie still came during part of the day. Thank God! But late afternoon, dinner, bedtime, nighttime and mornings were all mine.

All mine.

The first night was rough. I was up a lot with the boys (one teething, one with a stuffy nose, one whose diaper leaked through his pjs, and one who kept saying, "I can't sleep mommy"). I also think I was adjusting to not having Chris here and in turn just didn't sleep as well. When Chris and I were first married he traveled each week and to a certain extent I got used to it. But now, I'm used to having him home, next to me each night and that consistency gives me peace.

Over the past year, together we've fallen into a new groove parenting these boys. Sure, we occasionally bicker over who's done what lately because really, there is SO much to do and sometimes it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking somehow you are the one doing the most. Well, it only takes having to truly do it all yourself for a few days to realize what the other person really does. And our Chris, holy cow does he do a lot.

My husband is amazing in how he embraces this parenting thing full gusto and in how he supports me. AMAZING. I've always known and appreciated this about him.

But he's also the one to empty all the trash cans and dirty diapers at the end of the night. Each night, as I would tiptoe into the alley scanning for rats and terrified I'd run into one, I felt extra appreciative that he tackles this chore without even asking me to- ever. He cleans the kitchen each night (which in the past I've noticed, but this week I really noticed because man, after I've already cleaned it a few times during the day and made dinner, I do not feel like doing it again). Each night, he gets the babies bottles ready for for the 10 pm feeding and usually gets a load of laundry going whenever he goes up and/ or down the stairs. We always do the 10 pm feeding together. It's not something we ever talk about or plan, we just always seem to tackle it as a team. This week, gathering up the bottles and diapers and doing the night feeding alone felt like way more work, and much lonelier.

I think, and maybe especially when juggling a gaggle of kids, it can be easy to fall into a habit of taking for granted all that your partner does. I know I take Chris for granted sometimes.

Chris and I often joke about how there is no break parenting triplets plus one. But that's not really true. Because all I have to say to him, or vice versa is "I need a break" and we instantly know it's imperative to figure out how to make that happen for the other person. Sometimes it can only be for a few minutes or a quick errand but it's needed and can make all the difference.

We're a good team he and I, and I've missed him so.

Today he's coming back and I can't wait to meet him at the door with our boys, kiss him and hug him and welcome him home. And tell him how much I appreciate him.

And then I'll probably say something like, "I need a break!" because I after almost 4 days with 4 kiddos, I do!!!

Sunshine and rainbows?

Not today.

Today I feel overwhelmed, depleted, exhausted.

The Christmas season should be about enjoying time with each other, remembering what we're thankful for, celebrating our faith. And goodness, we have SO much to be thankful for.

And yet, here I am allowing myself to be bogged down by all the little things. The x-mas cards, all piled in a box by the door, just waiting to be addressed and mailed, the gifts not yet purchased or even thought about,  the laundry piled almost to the ceiling in my hallway, the x mas decorations I still haven't finished putting up around the house... that I SO wanted to put out. There are e-mails, texts and calls left still unanswered. There are friends I miss so much but can't seem to find time to catch up with. There are clothes to be organized into piles of give away or keep, swings and bassinets and baby toys piled in the garage that we no longer need and which I want to give away. I just can't seem to find the time to sort it all. There seems to be so much to do and too little time, and more often than not at the end of the day I find that I'm just too tired to get anything else done. 

One of my boys is sick and wants only to be held. I want only to hold him. Thank God for the Ergo carrier. He's asleep in it against my back now. The other two babies are perfectly happy and want nothing more than to figure out how to get at Colin's toys. When they can't, they stand at the baby gate shaking the bars wildly in an effort to break free... and get at Colin's toys. This is all very unnerving to Colin. How could it not be?! 

I am blessed to have extra hands to hold the little ones this afternoon and tonight. It could be an opportunity to start checking things off my list... or at least begin to make a list! And yet all I want to do is sleep, then get up, put on a dress and meet my husband for dinner and drinks downtown- which I also desperately need. 

I'm really hoping people understand, if our x mas cards arrive closer to st. patrick's day, or our gifts are less creative than usual this year, or when I'm really, really late at returning phone calls- or worse, forget to return one... it's nothing personal. I just have four little men crawling all over me and some days feel in a fog. 

Last night I had the opportunity to hang out with a bunch of triplet moms. It was so refreshing to hear from people who have been here. I laughed so hard hearing some of their stories because I could really identify. Like how a week can go by without realizing the kids need a bath. And when I told them that I felt in a bit of a fog this week due to sick babies and my helper being on vacation, they understood exactly what I meant. 

And they assured me the fog will one day lift.

..................

**** For anyone reading this and wondering, "if she's got so much to do then why doesn't she get her 'to do' list done instead of wasting time blogging??" Well, because writing clears my head and clarifies my thoughts and when I get the itch to write, the words spill onto the page in minutes. This post took me about 10 minutes to throw up on the paper. And I feel SO MUCH BETTER! :-) 

AND because I want to document the hard days just as I write about and celebrate the amazing days. Being a parent is not easy and parenting four kids under three challenges me on every level. The truth is, some days are really hard. Some days I feel incompetent. Other days go swimmingly. All part of the deal of motherhood I suppose.

Some pictures from our day together yesterday..... just me and the boys, no Amelie!

Finn and Everett, perhaps on facebook??

Carter, feeling yucky and feverish

a moment of brotherly love between Everett and Colin

and the loving brotherly moment has passed...."Get away from my stuff!!!" is most likely what Colin is screaming.

And yes, we do know what baby gates are,  even use them but our place is pretty small and they aren't always effective because most often Colin wants to be and play where we all are.... making things difficult

Dear Trips,

Here are a few more pictures of you all at 8 months. I wanted to take some without any shirts on because one of my most favorite things about this age is your cute little fat rolls and buddha bellies. 

Everett, Carter, Finn


This picture perfectly captures each of you at this point in time in so many ways. Everett, pulling to stand, Carter sitting just perfectly and Finn scooting around on his belly! Each of you interested in finding out what's going on outside the window.

Carter- you have two teeth on the bottom and more coming in on top. You sit just perfectly and seem to be right on the cusp of crawling. I know one of these days you're just going to take off. When you laugh your eyes open real big and you take a big breath in, pull up your shoulders and then smile with all your might. It's so incredibly infectious. You also love to jump in the jumper while laughing and shrieking. It's hilarious.

Finley- You are so content these days. You spend a lot of time on your belly shimmying here and there. When you see something you're interested in, there's no stopping you from pulling yourself across the floor, under tables, around gates to get at it. When my mom saw these 8 month pictures she said that you look just like I did at that age. You have two bottom teeth with more coming in and have started vocalizing "mamamama", which although I don't think is purposeful towards me, I still love hearing it!

Everett- You made getting a picture of you and your brothers very difficult as you are always on the move! You crawl, climb, and pull to stand every chance you get. Sitting for a picture is just not something you're interested in doing! Sometimes I have trouble keeping up with you! You just got your first tooth (on the bottom) and I think you may be getting a second on the bottom because you've been a little crabby going to bed at night. One of the cool things about you being so mobile is that it's even more clear than ever before how much you love to cuddle. You'll climb right up into my lap and throw your arms around me!

The three of you now want two solid food meals a day, stare at me whenever I'm eating "real" food, and love to try and eat puffs cereal. I think one out of every five puffs actually make it in your mouth but that's okay. It seems clear that half the fun is figuring out how to pick them up and reach your mouth! You play with each other by making raspberry sounds back and forth and laughing. You love when Colin sings to you. You love to watch him play with his trains and trucks and little people. I think you're plotting how you're going to get them at first chance. 

You've started grabbing toys from each other.... sometimes this is a problem. I can only imagine what the next years will bring in terms of sharing toys. We'll just enjoy today and not worry about that yet!

Carter and Finley. Everett is crawling somewhere out of frame....

"Does anyone think she'll ever let us out?"

"Yes, I believe so, one day when we're more manageable."

8 months today!

Here are my beautiful babies at 8 months!

Everett, Finley, Carter

They, along with their big brother Colin ran circles around me today. The moment I heard myself utter the phrase, "We don't touch poop", I knew the day was getting out of hand.

So I'm heading out on a mommy break to grab dinner and drinks with a friend and I'll post more pictures tomorrow. Before I do, here's one I got a kick out of:

I imagine Colin explaining, "So here's how it works. I'm the boss, follow me and I'll show you the ropes, and don't ever touch my stuff, especially my tools."

As the babies are getting more mobile, they're into his stuff more and Colin is concerned about this. He's working on using his words and asking mommy or daddy for help rather than taking matters into his own hands and having to share so much of his space so early in life. 

And yet, gaining all these brothers at once has revealed such an extraordinary side of him. He's so loving toward them- except when he's not of course ;) 

Yesterday he asked if he could hold Everett. 

Of course.

Just look at that brotherly love!