Friday, December 16, 2011

Sunshine and rainbows?

Not today.

Today I feel overwhelmed, depleted, exhausted.

The Christmas season should be about enjoying time with each other, remembering what we're thankful for, celebrating our faith. And goodness, we have SO much to be thankful for.

And yet, here I am allowing myself to be bogged down by all the little things. The x-mas cards, all piled in a box by the door, just waiting to be addressed and mailed, the gifts not yet purchased or even thought about,  the laundry piled almost to the ceiling in my hallway, the x mas decorations I still haven't finished putting up around the house... that I SO wanted to put out. There are e-mails, texts and calls left still unanswered. There are friends I miss so much but can't seem to find time to catch up with. There are clothes to be organized into piles of give away or keep, swings and bassinets and baby toys piled in the garage that we no longer need and which I want to give away. I just can't seem to find the time to sort it all. There seems to be so much to do and too little time, and more often than not at the end of the day I find that I'm just too tired to get anything else done. 

One of my boys is sick and wants only to be held. I want only to hold him. Thank God for the Ergo carrier. He's asleep in it against my back now. The other two babies are perfectly happy and want nothing more than to figure out how to get at Colin's toys. When they can't, they stand at the baby gate shaking the bars wildly in an effort to break free... and get at Colin's toys. This is all very unnerving to Colin. How could it not be?! 

I am blessed to have extra hands to hold the little ones this afternoon and tonight. It could be an opportunity to start checking things off my list... or at least begin to make a list! And yet all I want to do is sleep, then get up, put on a dress and meet my husband for dinner and drinks downtown- which I also desperately need. 

I'm really hoping people understand, if our x mas cards arrive closer to st. patrick's day, or our gifts are less creative than usual this year, or when I'm really, really late at returning phone calls- or worse, forget to return one... it's nothing personal. I just have four little men crawling all over me and some days feel in a fog. 

Last night I had the opportunity to hang out with a bunch of triplet moms. It was so refreshing to hear from people who have been here. I laughed so hard hearing some of their stories because I could really identify. Like how a week can go by without realizing the kids need a bath. And when I told them that I felt in a bit of a fog this week due to sick babies and my helper being on vacation, they understood exactly what I meant. 

And they assured me the fog will one day lift.


**** For anyone reading this and wondering, "if she's got so much to do then why doesn't she get her 'to do' list done instead of wasting time blogging??" Well, because writing clears my head and clarifies my thoughts and when I get the itch to write, the words spill onto the page in minutes. This post took me about 10 minutes to throw up on the paper. And I feel SO MUCH BETTER! :-) 

AND because I want to document the hard days just as I write about and celebrate the amazing days. Being a parent is not easy and parenting four kids under three challenges me on every level. The truth is, some days are really hard. Some days I feel incompetent. Other days go swimmingly. All part of the deal of motherhood I suppose.

Some pictures from our day together yesterday..... just me and the boys, no Amelie!

Finn and Everett, perhaps on facebook??

Carter, feeling yucky and feverish

a moment of brotherly love between Everett and Colin

and the loving brotherly moment has passed...."Get away from my stuff!!!" is most likely what Colin is screaming.

And yes, we do know what baby gates are,  even use them but our place is pretty small and they aren't always effective because most often Colin wants to be and play where we all are.... making things difficult

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