Thursday, September 6, 2012

Dinosaur slippers and sweetness from a soon to be big time pre-schooler...

Tonight after reading bedtime stories to Colin, he asks for "just one more" before bed.

I know this is coming so I'm prepared.

"Yup, one more story is fine. Then lights out."

He grabs Chris's 'Fine Homebuilding magazine' (as he's done before), and flips to a page that catches his eye.

"Can you tell me a story about this page?" he asks.

I don't even know what these are! Still, I've learned to just go with it. He rests his head in my lap and I tell him a story about how he and his Daddy are working in the basement and all these machines are there but they're broken and he fixes them all. One at a time, he chooses just the right tools from his tool box and fixes them. Occasionally Colin interrupts to clarify something within the story. "No Mommy, not a wretch. I'd need a saw for this one. A SAW!"

I love being a mom of boys.

When the story is done, he asks for "Just one more"(of course!). I know this was coming and hold firm.

It's time for bed.

I tuck him in, kiss him and start to leave.

"Mommy?" he calls out as I'm just about to close the door.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Mommy, I'm going to miss you when I go to school."

His words pierce right through my heart and catch me off guard in a way I don't expect. I thought he was going to ask for another drink or something.

I know dropping him off on the first day of pre-school will be hard. I know he's worried about it and I know that it will take all of my mommy strength to pull it together if when I drop him off  he's crying. We've been talking a lot about school lately.... the fun he'll have, the friends he'll meet. He's excited. He's a little worried. I'm excited for him... I'm a little worried too. Thus far, he hasn't separated from me much (except when I was on bed rest). With few exceptions, we've always had family members babysit if we needed one and we mostly do things as a family otherwise.

Well, you'll be happy to know I restrained the part of me that wanted to burst into tears and dramatically spew, "I'm going to miss you too!! I'm DREADING the moment I have to drop you off and entrust you to people that I don't even really know yet and amongst peers that I don't know yet! This is going to be SO HARD!"

Nope, didn't say what was really in my head. Instead I mumble something about how I'll miss him too but know that he's going to have so much fun. How he's going to learn new things and meet new friends. I tell him how super fun and nice his teacher is. I tell him that I'd be there every day to pick him up.

"Okay Mommy." he says. I notice that he's still wearing his dinosaur slippers which stick out from underneath his blanket. He looks so precious and small.

I know he's going to thrive at pre-school. I love his teacher, her classroom and her approach to helping these little ones develop. I'm happy for him that he's going to have something that's just his.... a space which he doesn't have to share with his brothers. A place that he can meet friends his own age and have new learning adventures.

But still, my heart will ache a little (okay A LOT) on that first day especially, when I drop him off and say goodbye.

It will take all my mommy strength.

P.S- Later Chris and I had quite a good laugh about all the responses I could have given, such as, "Do you want Mommy to stand outside the window of your pre-school, with my face pressed up against the glass all day, just to make sure you're okay? I will if you want me too! I WILL!!!"


Kathryn Biel said...

Five years ago (9/11/07 to be exact), I dropped my little boy off at preschool for the first time. And then I sat in my car and cried. He was ok. I was ok. It was all ok. Today, I watched my little girl, now 5 years old, climb up onto the big bus and go off to kindergarten. And I teared up and I tried to tell myself I was ok. You know what? I was and so was she. If we do our job as parents, our children will leave us. Preschool is the first step, and it is hard. But it is so wonderful in so many ways that it's really not so hard. Good luck!

Mama to four little blessings! said...

Thanks Kate! Your words are so true. Colin starts on Tuesday and you know I'll post how it goes! And don't worry, I'll restrain myself from peering in the pre-school window holding a kleenex box all morning. :)