Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Come again?!

Oh boy. Where to begin.

This morning we had our much anticipated first ultrasound. We were excited, anxious, but mostly excited. Anxious because we knew that my HCG counts were a little high- but still within the normal range for a singleton. So- while we wondered about the possibility of twins, we expected to see one baby on the screen. We did not expect this:

The ultrasound technician turned the screen towards me and I saw three dark circles.

From that point forward it was like I was having an out of body experience. I looked to Chris who took my hand. We didn't say anything, just locked eyes.

And then I looked at my sweet, precious little boy sitting on his Daddy's lap, also looking at the screen. I started to cry. Because in that moment all I could wonder was, "How is this going to effect him?!" I knew that being pregnant with triplets could mean bed rest, or worse, early admission to the hospital. I can't fathom being apart from him.

I was still shaking and obsessively staring at the ultrasound picture as we got to the car (which by the way, is a tiny volvo passat). Chris kept telling me that this is going to be okay. "We'll work it out!" he kept saying. And when I look at him as he's saying this, somehow I believe him.

But still, many questions and worries fill my mind. We live in a home, in the middle of the city, that we've been slowly fixing up on our own. It's not near done. How will we fit the babies into our house not to mention our tiny car? There's dry wall bits and tools and unfinished work almost everywhere you look.

I'm worried about the babies development. I'm worried that I'll have to go on bed rest. I'm worried that colin won't get the attention that he needs and sooo deserves. I'm worried about how people will judge us. That's a hard one. I'm sure my husband would say, "Who cares!" but having triplets is like wearing a sign on your shirt that says, "I had fertility treatments!" But we had legitimate medical reasons for using assistance. Not to mention that for soooo many months, even with multiple eggs and an IUI attempt, we had no luck! Negative test after negative test. I guess, when it rains, it pours.

What I'm holding onto right now as my anchor is my awesome husband. One of us had to stay calm in that ultrasound room, and he was. He may have been freaking out on the inside but on the outside he was cool, calm and collected. Just like the night colin was born. I can still hear him saying, "This is going to be okay." "We'll just work it out!"........ I think that I need to hear that mantra a few more times!

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