Loosing it

Yesterday sucked.

The bean in my belly is making me feel very sleepy (not complaining! just the facts). I found that when it came to dealing with the current ever exhausting nap time, I just couldn't deal. I lost my patience. I disappointed myself.

Nap time has become such a battle and has clouded what I even feel is best for my child and our family. It's making me crazy. I'm trying SO hard to get c to nap in his crib, in his room and he's pushing back equally as hard. There are many tears (from the both of us) and yesterday after all was said and done, I had to wonder, "Is this worth it?" Chris and I talked and talked about it. Ultimately wondering, "If he does nap in our bed, is that SO bad?" I keep coming back to, "Well, he should just be in his own crib!" But I don't know why. I guess I worry that he'll never nap in his own space if we don't put the kibash on this now. That we'll have a new baby at home and a toddler who sleeps wherever he wants, only if he wants and is cranky as a result. I worry that if I don't have a set number of hours that I know I can study, that I'll never finish my PhD., or eat lunch or get a load of laundry done.

Ultimately we need to give our kids what THEY need, not what WE need (within reason). And I think that allowing c to nap in our bed, provided that he actually sleeps the hours that he needs, is within reason.

So I think that's what we're going with today. I just wish my maternal instinct would kick in and I'd just know what the right thing to do was. Nothing feels 100 percent clear as the right approach to take with this.

nap wars

I am so beside myself.

I have been trying to help little c get back on his nap schedule for what seems like an eternity. With all the guests we've had, I haven't been AS consistently diligent as I should be BUT none the less, we've tried.

Anyway, this morning, I planned a super fun, toddler exhausting morning of activities to get him all nice and tired for nap time. We also just installed blackout blinds in his bedroom and c had gotten up extra early- 6:00 a.m. Let's just say that when nap time rolled around I was feeling cautiously optimistic. We started the nap routine the same as bedtime. We cuddle with c in his room, in his rocking chair and we start to read one of his favorite books. Colin fell asleep within two pages! I knew he was exhausted!

But, as soon as I put him in his crib, he screamed. And screamed, and screamed. I knew for certain that if I just held him and napped with him in my bed, that he'd fall asleep and sleep for a long time. Believe me that was tempting! But I feel like he needs to also get back in the routine of sleeping in his own bed, at a consistent time.

So I stuck with it.

I tried everything. I tried going in every 10 minutes and reassuring him that I love him and I'm just downstairs. I tried letting him cry for a short period which was heart wrenching; I just sat on the steps and cried myself. At one point, I even tried rocking him again and sure enough, he fell RIGHT asleep. But then, during the transfer into his crib, he woke up. More mad then ever.

I feel like such a bad mom. Why can't I get my kiddo to nap? He's exhausted for sure. He was up at 6:15 and went to the pool, the park and errands with me all morning. I'm exhausted! He's gotta be.

Finally, I laid down on the floor next to the crib (this is after seriously toying with the idea of actually crawling into the crib with him). I showed him pictures off my phone and slowly he laid down, and finally fell asleep.

Exhausted myself, I headed into my room to try and catch a quick nap before tackling more laundry. I was SURE that this exhausted kiddo was going to sleep a long time.

Nope

He was up just 45 minutes later!

What?!?!

How is he not exhausted?!?!

I tried to focus on the positive. He at least took a short nap in his bed. So I scooped him up and we went downstairs. Just as I was preparing his chicken nuggets dinner, I noticed him climb up on the couch. And then this happened:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I am half laughing at the complete ridiculousness of this situation. Half, dare I say, impressed with his determination to stand his ground, "I will NOT sleep in my bed Mommy! Even if I have to sleep sitting up!" But mostly I'm just ready to pull my hair out.

I keep thinking of Jerry McGuire pleading, "Help me, help you!!!"

Because seriously little c, if you would just take a nap in the middle of the day, you would feel so much better and we could play the whole rest of the afternoon.

Please! I'm begging you!