Yup, Two Breastfeeding Posts in a Row

You may notice that I went and changed the previous post's title. I glanced at the original title when I opened the blog just now and it made me cringe a little. I think it may have sounded negative. (Toddler Night Nursing and Why I'm Over It) {cringe again}.

The truth is that I've always enjoyed breastfeeding my babies and have felt blessed to be able to do so. Breastfeeding my first born, Colin, was so ridiculously easy that I hadn't a clue what people meant when they talked about painful latches and/or difficulty nursing. Colin latched about a minute or so after he was born and that was that. No issues, no pain, not ever.

When the triplets were born I was determined to exclusively breastfeed them all and thought it would be entirely possible given my experience with Colin. However, any doctor or nurse I told this to said, "You won't be able to do it," which only made me more determined. Then the triplets were born and turns out they were right. I never produced enough milk to feed them all. We had to supplement from the start, day 1 in the NICU. It's okay.... I know..... I know it's okay. But it still hurts my heart a little. I'm grateful to have been able to breastfeed each of them, though never exclusively, for about six months. At the time, I wasn't co-sleeping with them, I wasn't nursing on demand, I wasn't pumping through the night and my body just couldn't keep up.

One of the things I was most looking forward to when we found out we were having another baby, was that I could nurse him on demand and it would be easy, just like it was with Colin. Only it was the opposite of that. From the moment he tried to latch, there was horrible pain that only got worse. It was worse than labor, in my opinion. I'll spare you the details but suffice to say that I finally understood what people meant when they said that they tried to nurse but gave up because it hurt too much or was too hard. There were moments in the weeks after Owen's birth that I wanted to quit. Only I really didn't want to quit. But it was a battle. It was a hard fought battle that Owen and I finally won together. And 16 months later here we are still going strong. Please don't misinterpret my previous sarcastic rant about toddler night nursing and the need to make a change, as purely complaining. I am complaining a bit, I know it, mostly because I want some sleep! But first and foremost, I am beyond grateful that we've gotten this far, because it sure wasn't easy initially.

This whole week, we stuck with our plan of Chris going in to comfort Owen when he cries, instead of having him come into our bed and nurse. Each night continues to get easier and the amount of straight sleep Owen is experiencing keeps increasing too. Last night he sleep all night long, from 8 p.m until 7 a.m! It felt like a small miracle! Most importantly, this step and approach feels right, which lets us know we're on the right track. I'm waking up more rested and so excited to see Owen in the morning, cuddle with him on the couch and let him nurse to his hearts content (instead of feeling exhausted and a little resentful that he's kept me up all night, which is how I was beginning to feel some days).

Lastly, if you happen to be struggling with breastfeeding, I am proof that it can get easier. You might want to consider finding a lactation consultant who's super nice and supportive and helpful. That can make a world of difference.

Also, the next post will not be about breastfeeding for those of you not. at. all interested.

Speaking of my littlest guy, here he is, once again imitating whatever he sees his big brothers doing. This time, I turned to see him suddenly on top of the table, adjusting the umbrella. Just as Carter had done about 5 minutes before :-) He thinks it's hilarious when I catch him in these moments of big boy action.

8 months, what's working?

Once again I find a blog post that I wrote, and I guess in the mist of the holiday madness, forgot to post! The boys are now 9+ months, and it was interesting for me to read through this (which I wrote when they turned 8 months) because it seems so much has changed just since then.

"I want YOU!"... Carter on the left, Everett on the right.... Finn crawling away...

There you are cutie... Finn

I told myself that for the first year, I'd track what's working (or not) each month. But these are getting harder to write...

Not because we're not actively trying to manage this broad of boys. We are constantly trying things, adapting, changing, brainstorming, always trying to figure out what helps our family system run more smoothly. These "what's working" posts are getting harder to write only because nothing we are doing seems unusual or stands out anymore. Managing day to day with our boys is our normal now.

At first, everything was SO new and different and way out of our comfort zone. Just having triplets plus one seemed soooo out of the realm of "normal". And there were so many things we were consciously doing and seeking out and that others were actively doing for us on a regular basis to help us adjust. The things that were very helpful during that time period really stood out.

But the thing is, having triplets plus one now doesn't seem unusual to us. Now, it's just our family and our life and I can't imagine what it would be like not to have four under three years. And actually, the babies are almost never referred to as "the triplets", although occasionally they're lovingly referred to as "the trips". But day in and day out they are just Carter, Finley, Everett and Colin. Our four boys- who happen to all be super close in age- haha! So it's harder to be aware of things that we are doing, simply because it doesn't seem like we are 'doing' anymore, rather, just living day to day with our family. I'm not even sure if that makes sense......

In any case,  I'll try and go through some of what's been going on around here and how we're trying to manage it all at 8 months in case it's helpful to someone else!

Sleep- The boys go to bed at around 6 p.m. This is something that has really stuck and seems helpful- for the babies who seems tired by then, to us who appreciate having a moment to eat dinner and breath, and for colin who gets some time to play with mom and dad without his ever curious brothers peering at his toys through the baby gate.

We still feed them a bottle around 10 p.m. just before we go to bed. I'm told that we could drop this bottle, that it would take the babies a few nights to adjust (aka probably waking up screaming), but for now, keeping the feeding is working for us, and I just don't have the energy to ween them off it yet.

On a good night, all the babies will sleep through until about 6 a.m. One of the hardest aspects of parenting triplets for me, continues to be that it seems someone is always having trouble sleeping (teething, tummy ache, eczema itching, wet diaper). Even if one baby is up late, or up during the night and therefore would sleep later, someone else has had a great night sleep and is up early, around 5:30.

We are tired. A lot of the time.

They seem to be in between taking two and three naps still. I try and keep in mind that they are 6 weeks adjusted in age. I think they are right on the cusp of switching to two naps. Carter is already more of a two nap guy while Everett tends to take very short naps and so three fits him best still. Finn could go either way depending on the day. A couple months ago it made more sense for us to keep them on the same schedule. But these days, we allow each baby to nap when it makes sense for them, within reason.

They tend to go down for the first nap at the same time but Carter will almost always sleep longer, Everett will almost always be up first and again Finn varies. At this time what feels right to us is to respect those individual differences and work around them.

I took this today... usually this white board is chalk full of the schedule, to dos, to buys etc. This was one of the things we added after the babies were about a month because we wanted a quick and easy way to communicate with each other and those helping us, not just with a notebook but something we'd see right when we set foot in the babies area. 

We keep a white board in the basement which is where we spend a lot of our time during the day and just keep track of who goes down for a nap when, who eats at what time and when each baby wakes up. This way we can hopefully notice patterns and don't have to keep track of everything in our heads! No matter what though, they all go to bed by 6 p.m. and naturally get up at 6 a.m. (if earlier, I try my very best to get them back to sleep or just wait).

We also keep a swing in the hall outside their bedroom. If someone is having trouble sleeping or gets up too early, we'll often stick them in the swing and this seems to really help. Is there one baby that seems to  need this swing more than the others? Yup! But they all take advantage of it as needed. The other morning, it was still dark out and I was half asleep when I went to put whoever was up too early in the swing... only to realize as I laid them down, that someone else was already in there! (placed there by Chris earlier in the night!) Thank God that baby didn't wake up when I laid his brother on top of him momentarily.

Feeding- I'm not breastfeeding at all anymore. I stopped around 6 months but didn't document it I don't think. I'm fine with it.... for the most part. The one thing that really bothers me is that I can't remember the last time I nursed each on of them. Nursing just gradually seemed to decrease until one day I realized I wasn't hardly nursing them anymore. My milk dried up very quickly and then it was over. I wish I could remember the last time.... I'm sentimental like that. I have to keep remembering that I did the best I could. But honestly, it's something I wish had played out differently. I'm not sure how it could have but I wish I could still nurse them.

We prop them to take their bottles by still using the bouncy chairs and a blanket. It's the only time they use the bouncy chairs as they obviously can now sit and/ or crawl around. I recently tried to introduce sippy cups.... they're not so interested yet! For now I'm not pushing it but I look forward to the day they can hold their own cups to drink. They LOVE eating solid foods! I feed them after their first nap and again during "the witching hour", around 4:30 p.m. They are often starting to get tired/ cranky and I'm alone with all of them just waiting for the hour to pass so Chris will get home from work! Food is a nice distraction and Colin will often have a snack during this time too.

Other things that continue to make a difference:

• Making a conscious choice everyday to focus on the positive and remember what a sacred blessing it is to get to parent each of these boys rather than focusing on how hard it can be. When they're all crying, need me and I'm alone with them, it can definitely feel VERY overwhelming. But I know that every day is an opportunity to have a better attitude, make a needed shift, or just do better.

• Finding opportunities for one on one time with each of the kids. This continues to be especially important for Colin. The other day Colin and I took the train downtown to meet Chris for lunch. Being able to focus on him without the distraction of things to get done around the house or with the babies was really nice- for all of us.

• Hot Yoga! Ohhhh, I am LOVING getting back to yoga, slowly but surely. This pregnancy took such a toll on my body and for me it's taken until now to even feel up to exercising. But yoga has been great! I know it is healing my body and I can feel myself getting stronger every time I go. Not to mention it helps clear my mind too!

Lastly I'll just say that the hardest part of "8 months" for me is how mobile they are getting. Make no mistake IT IS FANTASTIC that they are so curious and on the move.... but they are into everything and that can feel hard to manage. Both from a safety perspective and also because they are always trying to get into Colin's stuff. This has been very hard for Colin. We use a huge baby gate to divide the room but they are clever! Sometimes they manage to get around the gate. OR- they will stand at the gate shaking it, staring at his toys and yelling. I don't blame Colin for being overwhelmed by this! I certainly am!

Well- turns out I had more to say about this month than I thought! HA! I hope and pray it's helpful to someone else expecting triplets or multiples. 

Long Beach Pics- Part I

The triplets very first time to the beach!

 Soon after our arrival, I realized that we forgot to pack two of our suitcases, each filled with baby clothes and toys! So I asked my ever helpful husband to run out to the store and please buy more pj's for the boys (There's a Carter's outlet down the street).

So he goes.

And comes back with three sleepers.

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?!

It's August, it's super hot out, we're at the beach....

and my boys are cozy in their pj's with POLAR BEARS, SCARFS, SNOW FLAKES AND PENGUINS on them.

I laughed out loud. Literally. 

Chillin' on the front deck with the babies. Some days this was as close to the beach as I got!

Colin and I

This was us in the same spot, last year:

June 2010

Why do they have to grow up so fast??

LOVE a Michigan sunset! See Chicago?



Cousin Macy was there too 

These two are great buddies!

 Colin is doing his dinosaur growl for the camera.

Colin's favorite spot on vacation! Digging in the sand with Daddy!

My favorite spot?

 Watching the two of them together.

Dear Pump,

We must say goodbye. 

It shouldn't be too hard... in fact, over the past 5 months I share how much I detest you whenever the opportunity arises. 

And yet, on some level it is.....

At the end of each month I get a reminder call from the rental company to either return you, or pay up for another month. Each month I choose to renew you, even though it doesn't make much sense anymore. You see, I hardly ever use you anymore.

You've kept me up many late nights, that's for sure. At first you were my only link to providing breast milk to my babies. We met up every two hours, then slowly our visits got more infrequent. But you were always there in the corner of my room.... staring me down.

There's something about returning you that signifies that my itty bitty babies really are growing up and that I'm really never going to fill up that freezer we got solely for the purpose of storing breast milk. Both realities are a concession of sorts.

But I don't need you so much any more. In fact, my little guys have become quite the nursers these days. I've let go of the dream of providing mostly my milk to them and instead we catch quiet moments of nursing togetherness when we can. 

During the quiet of the night nuzzled up against each other, during a warm afternoon when everyone else is asleep, or when the tears start and only the oldest of calming methods will do.

It's wonderful, it's beautiful, and it's enough.

4 months.... how are we managing?

**Periodically I'll try and post something about what's been working for us along this journey, in case it's helpful to others.

Here are my thoughts at 4 months:

• I haven't written about this yet, but we FINALLY gave in and hired help. We resisted for a while because of the cost (how could we justify hiring help when I'm not even working??), and because I was worried about how it would be to have someone that I don't really know, in my home, caring for my babies side by side with me. Well, IT'S FABULOUS!!!! I advertised through an online forum and interviewed a few candidates. In the end, Amelie was a perfect fit for our family. My advice to others is to hire as much help as you can afford because it's a good investment (someone gave me this advice while I was pregnant but it took me a few months to really understand it)! Having a helper four days a week 8:30-1:30 has allowed me to feel like a mom again rather than a crazy lady just scrambling to stay afloat. I must add that our families continue to be ridiculously helpful and supportive. My mother-in-law Patty comes every tuesday afternoon until wednesday night. Knowing I can count on her help, has also been such am incredible blessing.

• Tummy time corner- As an occupational therapist I know how important tummy time is, but with three babies it seems even harder to make it happen as often as it should. Plus, with Colin running around, I've often been afraid that he's going to step on them (on accident of course). So for many reasons, I've not done as much tummy time with them as I should! Recently, I set up an area in the corner of our main room, out of blankets and colorful mats. I like to vary the surface textures too (gotta get a variety of sensory experiences!... sorry, that's the OT in me coming out...). By the way, I've found that a bath mat works great as a play mat for tummy time because it doesn't slide and often has great texture. I also keep three boppy pillows at the ready (to help minimize fatigue when needed), tummy time toys such as mirrors and colorful rattles, and a music box because I find that soothing tunes help my boys hang out on their bellies longer. I also keep a bumbo chair close by because I find that when one of the boys is fussing about having to be on his belly, often a short break in a bumbo chair is all it takes to help them re-group and try again. In fact, they like to watch each other! Of course, I'd prefer to hold them when they need a break, but that's not always possible. 

• Earlier bed times- Dr. Weissbluth, who wrote this book and this book, spoke at our local hospital to a group of parents with multiples about how to help your kids sleep. So of course, Chris and I went! If I'm being honest, I was familiar, however pretty uninterested in his book the first time around with my son colin. Dr. Sears books- this one and this one- are what resinated most with my own intuition of what was right for my baby. However, this time around, I'm finding that I'm much more open to a variety of strategies to help the boys sleep on a schedule, because I know this will help keep Chris and I sane. I was pleasantly surprised by how reasonable his approach seemed. My biggest take aways from the night? 
• Look for signs of drowsiness and put the babies down for bed then, rather than waiting until they are overtired and crying, or when they get their second wind and it's even harder to help them sleep.
• Early bed times! Something with the circadian rhythms... I'm not sure because I was half asleep myself and I don't have time to really read his book! But the thinking is that although logic might cause one to think keeping a baby up late will in turn help them sleep longer, actually the opposite tends to be true. Putting a baby down early can help the baby sleep longer through the night. Hmmmm.... so keeping triplets up until 11:00 p.m. isn't so good??? (Not that we'd been doing that. Okay, we totally were.)
• The very next night after hearing doctor Weisbluth speak, we watched for signs of drowsiness (okay maybe obsessively), and acted on them, putting our boys to bed just before 6 pm. You should have seen Chris and I running around yelling, "Signs of Drowsiness! Signs of Drowsiness!... Act Now! Act Now! This is it! Get the bottles, get the p.j's! Get the pacifiers! Move 'em out! Move 'em out!" Like we were executing some sort of high stakes military operation. It worked. They got up twice during the night for a bottle, but went right back to sleep and slept until almost 7:30! I must say that having our evening to ourselves to re-group, spend time with Colin, actually eat dinner together, and have time just Chris and I was pretty darn nice. 
• I'll add that I'm not doing the whole "cry it out" stuff. I completely respect that this approach may work for some, but it doesn't jive well with me. Not at this age at least. I'm also trying to respect that each of the triplets is their own person with their own individual differences. So for example, Everett seems to naturally stay up later.... and if he can't fall asleep, I'll bring him downstairs with me. Plus, it gives us a chance to get some one on one time with him. Then, he almost always sleeps in longer, sometimes until 8:30 a.m. even. This just seems to be how he's wired which is different than say Finn, who is ready and willing to go to bed easily at 6:00, but who is also the first up, smiling and ready for the day before 7:00. Carter can go either way, sometimes he has trouble falling asleep, so he stays up later. Still other nights he's down for the count right with Finn. 

• Related to sleep- the boys continue to sleep in our bedroom. One is in a crib and two are in pack n' plays. This is not ideal. If we had another room to put them in, we would! I still hear every grunt and groan and find that I'm not getting a good nights rest. I'll hear something and then get all paranoid that something dreadful is going on in their crib and get up to check on them- again and again. They're always fine but I can't seem to help myself.

• Nursing- I've gotten to such a great place with this. Lately I'm really enjoying nursing my boys and rarely pump (in fact, I can't remember the last time I pumped). They mostly get formula and I use nursing for snacks, comfort and bonding time. Lately I'm nursing a lot at night. Often, one of the boys will end up in bed with me and I welcome that. The way I look at it is that it gives us extra cuddling time, gives the baby an opportunity to nurse, which keeps my supply up and provides additional bonding time. 

• We threw out the coveted feeding schedule almost two months ago which although scary, made sense and was ultimately liberating. Now our boys eat when they're hungry but not on any externally forced schedule. For the most part, they get hungry at the same times, but not always. Carter does better eating smaller portions more often while Finn and Everett can now go almost 4 hours without eating during the day.