Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Love and change

We are on our way up to bed but still in the kitchen when in a quiet voice and seemingly out of the blue, Colin declares,

"Mommy, I love this house. I love this light (points to our outdated, kitchen light/ fan), I love this dishwasher. I love everything."

and then his voice starts to shake.

"Mommy I don't want to move to a new house"

His eyes seem to plead with me.

We sit down on the kitchen floor, his head is in my lap and I stroke his hair, all curly from the humidity today.

This is such a full circle moment for me because I know just how he feels. Sure, I was a older when we moved but I can still remember the feeling of uncertainty, the worry about the unknown, the sadness of goodbye.

This house is all he's known.

"I love this house too buddy. Sometimes I feel sad about moving too."

He has questions.

Like, "Will a new family live in this house?" and the hardest one to answer, "Amelie will still come to our new house." Presented as a statement, really a question, and one that I think that he already knew the answer to. She's not coming. (although believe me I'd kidnap her if I could ;)

I choose every word as carefully as I can praying that he'll feel heard, understood and reassured. Because I love when he shares things with me.

I hold him and we talk and then he gets up, apparently satisfied and ready for bed.

"Okay mommy" he says simply and our conversation is over.

Not for me though... his worries, his questions, those eyes, will swim around in my head for much longer tonight.


maryisblogging said...

I know the feeling... Allyson has been having a hard time processing our upcoming move. "Mommy, I like this "partmen" (apartment). I like my tinkerbelle room and all of my toys". She usually brings it up at bedtime and goes on and on and I just have to keep reassuring her that ALL of her stuff will be moved to the new house. Therefore, none of her stuff is going to be sold in the upcoming garage sale, she just can't part with anything right now.

Mama to four little blessings! said...

Wow, Allyson's comments about liking her partmen (how cute!) and her room and toys sound so similar to what Colin is experiencing. I think you are wise not to sell any of her stuff during this time. Like you, we're trying to re-assure colin that all of his toys are going to the new house... and all of us! :) I hope you're move goes well! I know you and Allyson will be so happy in your new place!