Someday they'll grow big

I had such a heart warming conversation with Colin yesterday, while the two of us were driving to a Christmas party.

Me: "So at the party, there's going to be a baby named Quinn. He's just little, like our babies. Except there's only one baby, not three."

Colin: "Only one baby?"

Me: "Yup. Only one."  

This is curious to Colin because of course, he doesn't know any different than his mommy bringing home three babies at once.

He seems to be thinking about this in his car seat, as he looks out the window at the cars going past. I steal glances at him in the rear view mirror.

Me: I hesitate, but end up asking, "Colin, do you like having three baby brothers?"

After the week we've had, I hold my breath.

Colin: "Uh huh, yes" he says softly but with such certainty that I know it is his truth ("Uh huh" is the way Colin says "yes").

Me: "Why?"  I don't expect him to answer but I can't seem to help myself from asking the question.

Colin: "Someday grow big..... and play with me!" He is excited.

Wow. He gets it.

For a second I can't say anything because I'm so darn happy. He gets it. Despite and amongst all the momentary chaos, as we figure out how to safely contain everybody while they play, he gets that someday they're going to grow big and play with him. And he looks forward to playing with his brothers. I can't even remember us talking much about this fact, but maybe we have??? After a week of hearing him yell, "NO!" "Move back!" "THIS GUY's getting my stuff!" and giving a few time outs after the occasional push when a brother has grabbed a toy, it was nice to hear this conversation.

I'm not naive. I know they will fight. They will fight, love each other and always be, brothers. 


There was a long enough pause in the conversation as I thought about his sweet comment, that Colin finally says,

"Mommy, you did not KNOW that?!"

We laughed and drove on to our party.

Making time to play

Dear Colin,

Your Christmas list is set. You want two things for Christmas:

1. A Leaf Blower. (and I LOVE asking you over and over what you want for x mas because the way you say, "leaf blower" cracks me up and melts my heart every. single. time.)

2. A hammer. (and you always explain that you don't want some silly toy hammer, you want the real deal this christmas. We haven't yet decided how to handle this....)

The older you get, the more you "get" Christmas. You are SO excited this year and it makes Christmas that much more exciting and joyful for us too. 

I find myself dreaming up all sorts of new traditions and committing to incorporating the best of our own family traditions. 

This year, you and your Dad strung lights out front. It's the first time we've ever done this and really it was all for you. It was to get to see the excitement on your face when they were finally plugged in.

Every night when your Dad gets home from work, you sit in the front window and watch as he goes around to turn them on. You're so proud of what you created together.

 

For some reason lately, I just want to slow time and keep you little just a little longer. Last night you fell asleep in our bed because the babies were being too loud in your room. So before I went to bed I carefully lifted you up to carry you back. You fell over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, still clutching your giraffe lovie. For a moment I was taken a back by just how big you've gotten.

Already.

As I carried you down the hall, a memory from the first night we brought you home with us from the hospital flashed in my head. How I carried you down this same hallway sooooo carefully. You were so light and fragile, I was afraid.

I love watching you grow but some days it just feels like it's happening so fast. And life is so busy. 

When I got back to bed I was sharing all this with your Dad and lamenting about just how busy life feels lately between caring for you and your brothers and doing the laundry and preparing meals and bottles and doctor appointments and sorting clothes, and doing dishes and trying to christmas shop and on and on and on. Sometimes it feels like running just the house alone, is a full time job! 

Exasperated I explained that I just wanted to get an hour to play with you, uninterrupted. 

So do it, Chris said.

 Forget the house, forget the lists, forget all the background stuff. Just play

Duh. Why did I need someone to spell out the obvious?

Just play.

And so that's what we did this morning. Amelie took the lead with the babies and they watched from the other side of the baby gate as we played trucks and trains. I could tell that you loved getting this time with me. But what you probably don't know is how much I loved it too. How much I needed this time with you.

Time to let go of all the background stresses and just play. 

Thoughts while on the train

I wrote this while traveling last Saturday, Dec. 19 but forgot to post. Here it is:

I'm on the train with little c and we’re heading to Michigan for Christmas. Chris will meet us there on Wednesday. He’s tackling the master bathroom during the next 4 days…. We left it in almost shambles and I’m hoping and praying that when we return I have a finished bathroom with subway marble tile, a rain shower, and a gorgeous, new, dark wooden vanity with marble top. I can hardly stand the wait.

I haven’t a clue how my husband can turn our measly, outdated bathroom into the masterpiece we’ve created in our minds but I have no doubt that he will. It will require walls coming down, major plumbing adjustments, moving a toilet, building new walls..... re-wiring the electricity. Seriously, how do some people just know how to do this?? He’s got such a talent for carpentry, and plumbing apparently.... and electricity apparently.... and for tasks associated with building and remodeling that I don't even know the terms for. I seem to find out something new about him with each home project he tackles. Sure, the lights did flicker in the whole house for about a month after the last time he wired new electricity, but that's not the norm. The norm is I'm pretty freaking impressed with what he does.

I didn’t know he could do this type of work when I married him but it’s certainly one of the things that I admire most about him now. There’s just something about a man that can build things. :-)

Very sexy.

So anyway, I’m on the train with little c. He’s finally tired himself out and is laying beside me with his giraffe covering his eyes.

So cute.

I’m amazed at how social he’s become recently. Last time we rode the train, which was on Thanksgiving day, he smiled at people passing by and engaged with them a bit but now he’s suddenly reached a whole other level of communication. He’s babbling nonstop (I felt bad for all the people trying to sleep on the train earlier!) and wanting to “show” his favorite toys. Someone will pass by our row and he’ll babble to get their attention, then smile and proudly hold up his toy. It’s as if he’s saying “look at this!”. He’s also started pointing and waving.

So yummy to watch!

When we first boarded the train, I sat him on the seat next to me and he immediately grabbed his hammer (new favorite toy!) and began hammering away on the armrest. I find this curious because like I said, my husband is often hammering away at home. Colin wouldn’t already be picking up on that and imitating would he?? Maybe in our subconscious we’ve directed him toward the hammer because we think it’s adorable to see him be like daddy.

Or maybe he is just like his Daddy.

Most people say that little c looks just like me, but I see a lot of his father in him already. Something in my bones tells me that he will have his father’s patient and curious disposition. Always seeking to solve the puzzle, fix the problem, or build the solution. This takes a certain kind of mind and a certain disposition.... one that clearly I don't have. But my husband does, and as I watch my son hammer away at his seat on the train, I smile to think that he has that in him too.