Thursday, November 19, 2009


"Deciding to become a mother is to forever allow your heart to go walking outside your body."

I can't recall where I read this quote or even when, except I know it was a long time ago. I must have read this sometime in my twenties during a time in my life when becoming a mother seemed far far off. During that time in my life I was too busy traveling, working, and dating men with no long term potential.  But when I read the quote I remember thinking, "that's a strange notion".  I didn't get it at all.

I get it now.

Tonight, while trying to change c's diaper, he scooted away across the bed (he so on the move these days that it's hard to get him to stop for a diaper change). In my mind I was thinking that I needed to quick change his diaper so that I could then make his bottle, so that I could then get him to bed, to then clean the kitchen, to then have some me time..... and on and on. But in that moment when he scooted across the bed in all his adorable nakedness, he turned and smiled as if to entice me into a game. And a voice inside told me to set aside my own plans and eat this moment up in all it's yumminess. I smiled back, dramatically pulled him back across the bed and scooped him into my arms.
He laughed. That deep, baby, belly, nothing sounds better in the whole world kind of laugh. . 
When I let go of him again, he again scooted away quick as he could.... it was difficult for him to move fast because he was trying not to laugh. Then he looked back at me with that same twinkle in his eye, challenging me to go after him again. Of course I did. I pulled him back to me drinking in his laughter all the way. Does life get any better than this?

He turned to me, smiled, and extended his arm as if to tell me something.

I know little c. 

I feel the same way. 

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