Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I'm here.

This fall has been.... well.... interesting..... and challenging, on many levels for our family.

I've also had what I suppose some call, "writer's block". Some days I'm not sure what I have to say. 

Parenting our four precious darlings has felt very challenging as of late. The triplets haven't slept through the night in months, meaning that they are up two to three times per night, sometimes for hours at a time. 

Our four sons are each so wonderful, so curious, so playful and so fun to be around. Collectively they are like a tornado of energy and some days every day, it takes all of my energy just to keep things manageable. Some days I feel like I'm failing them for not having more energy, for not being more patient, for letting my mommy guilt about what they're not getting consume me rather than focusing on what I am able to give them.

In an effort to break through my writer's block and get back to keeping up with this blog which I enjoy writing for my boys, I'm going to return to writing in the way that I originally did. Back when the only person that read it was my husband. In the beginning, my posts were sometimes just a few sentences and I never worried about grammar, spelling or content (because nobody was reading them anyway!). I usually wrote about something that Colin did during the day that had warmed my heart, something I was thankful for, something random on my mind, something I wanted to be sure to remember through the years, or something that was driving me nuts. Often they were just short little posts to "little c", reminding him of how much I love him. 

Focusing on those little moments will help me, I know it. It will help me see the beauty within the chaos and the challenge of raising four little boys..... three of which are not sleeping. 

So for today......

Dear Colin,

When I dropped you off for pre-school on the playground, you gave me a big hug and kiss and said, "I'm going to miss you mommy". I said that I'd be back shortly and to "have lots of fun." 

Then as I was walking away, half way across the playground, almost to the parking lot, I turned around and saw that you were watching me.

When you saw me turn, you smiled and blew me a big kiss. Then you ran off to join your friends popping bubbles with Mrs. Sauer.

Little do you know that kiss is carrying me through a busy morning of schoolwork, housework and packing for our trip tomorrow.

I love you little c. 

This picture of Colin always brings a smile to my face. It's from late summer when he was super into wearing his "working boots", "working shorts" (just like Chris wears when doing renovation work) and his "working hat", to do "dangerous work" (which apparently there was a lot of). If any of you moms out there think this hat looks suspiciously similar to a certain Medela breast milk portable cooler, well, you would be wrong. It's a working hat. :-)

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