Friday, September 3, 2010

If I could bottle these days.....

Almost through week 5 of this pregnancy. Next Wednesday we have our first ultrasound and I can't wait. My husband keeps asking me, "How do you feel?" And the weird thing is that although I'm a little tired, I feel great! In fact, I have felt better these past few weeks than I have in a really, really long time. What's up with that?! Tonight, I took another pregnancy test just to prove to myself this is still real! My husband looked at the test and declared that I'm "mega pregnant" because the pregnancy line was way darker than the other line! I've always dreamed of a test looking like that!

I think that the reason I'm feeling so good lately is because I under estimated how fatiguing going through fertility stuff is. The clomid, then the shots, the worry, the endless appointments for blood work and ultrasound, all the while wondering "will we get to have more babies?" Now, that worry is gone and replaced by a deep, peaceful joy. Life is growing inside me! I just feel so blessed. And relieved.

I also feel the desire to soak up as much one on one time with little c before the baby comes, as I can. He will make such a fantastic big brother but life is going to get busier from here on out and I cherish the time we share just the two of us (and when Chris is available to hang too, the three of us). Although I hope and pray (and know) that colin and his sibling will end up being the best of friends, I can imagine it will be an adjustment going from being the only child and constant center of our attention, to having a newborn baby around.

But today it was just us. Today, we had a mommy/ colin day and headed downtown to the Children's Museum at Navy Pier. If I could just bottle these types of days and re-live them down the road when he's a big boy, I would. It was one of those days where I didn't worry about the laundry, cleaning, dinner, nap schedule, e-mails, etc. but rather simply focused on just being with my little man. It was so fun to watch him explore the museum. He was sooo bright eyed; taking in everything. And he's just so freaking cute! He ate cookies while people watching on the EL, then lit up when he saw daddy, who took a break from work, just to give him a hug and kiss and make sure we got on the right bus. At the museum we parked the stroller and walked hand in hand around to each exhibit.

Like buddies.

Right now I'm his compass in this world (and Chris too of course, but I'm speaking of when I'm with c one on one). Colin looks to me to see if something is safe, to share the joy of a new experience, and for reassurance and love if the world turns momentarily scary (like today when he fell out of the mini-canoe and bumped his head). What a sacred thing it is to be able to be a mother.

After the museum, we happened upon a marionette show and so we stopped to watch. Again I saw the wheels turning in little c's head. It was like he was saying, "What is that??"

By the time we'd caught the bus, this was the situation:

Little c,

Just so you always know, I LOVE you. I love hanging out with you. You are bright and sweet and smart and so fun to be with.

Love, mommy

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