18 months old today!

We still constantly refer to them as "the babies". As in, "The babies are napping... It's time for the babies to eat... Grab clothes for the babies... What are the babies into?.... Can you take a baby or two with you to the store?".... and on and on.

But I look at the above picture and must acknowledge.... our babies are not really babies anymore. They're little boys.

And these little boys are quite the movers and shakers lately. They know what they want to do, communicate it to us and go for it no matter what. Even if that idea is, "Let's climb on top of ____ and get into ____". Fill in the blanks with whatever.

As they grow, their unique personalities blossom even more. They are each so different and so wonderful in their own right.



Group pictures didn't go as well. Finn is already done!



My big time 3 1/2 year old!



A big leap that I've noticed lately is that Colin and his brothers are starting to be able to play with each other. Sure Colin's ideas are much more advanced, but he seems to have figured out how to include them (when he wants to). I can almost envision the day when perhaps I can cook dinner while they're all nicely playing together.

Case in point:

The choice was to either figure out a way to share the car or take turns. I gotta give it to them, they sure figured out a way to share!

Another thing I'm starting to notice is that wrestling is already common occurrence in our home. What is it with boys that makes them tackle each other out of nowhere??

Love these boys!!!

Back to school, for me too

Fall has brought a few changes to the Miller household.

Colin wasn't the only one who went to school this fall.

I started back in my grad school program on the very same day that Colin started school, after taking a looooooong leave of absence (two leave of absences actually).

My journey career wise has been that I graduated with a degree in Occupational Therapy, spent two years in the peace corps doing health work and then returned stateside and worked in the area of pediatrics for quite a few years. I loved it! I met some of my best friends through work, was challenged every day, inspired by the incredible families I've been blessed to work with and was somewhat of a geek. I was passionate about this OT stuff and attended as many continuing ed courses, study groups and learning opportunities as I could. My geeky work friends did too. Wine and discussions about the vestibular system- what could be better?

Then I decided to pursue my PhD simply because I was passionate about the material and wanted to learn more. Specifically, I wanted a chance to learn from professors involved in this particular program.

Then I had Colin.

Everything changed.

 Suddenly, going back to work, and going back to school took a WAY back seat to simply being around him. I know not everyone has the choice whether to stay home or work and some people would prefer not to stay home. I've been blessed to have that choice and staying home is where my heart has been ever since I laid eyes on Colin. My pre baby plan was to almost immediately go back to school after having Colin, and I did.... for a few days.... it just wasn't working for me. I was too preoccupied with my baby.

I eventually went back to work on Saturday mornings and started taking a few classes again when BOOM, triplets!

Work stopped, school stopped (again) and for the past almost two years, my life has been consumed by my boys. There was no room for school. But also, I had no desire for school or clinical work. 

My complete lack of interest in even studying the material I was once so passionate about scared me a little. I wondered if it would ever come back. 

It didn't for a long time, however, this past summer I started feeling the itch to see clients again and to re-engage my brain in this stuff that I was am so passionate about. 

So I decided (with a slight push from Chris) to try and take two classes this fall and perhaps eventually see a few clients. 

Returning to the professional world has felt a little weird.... yet good. Weird and good. 

I feel rusty, out of the loop and less confident in my ideas. I feel nervous to even raise my hand in class. When I ask a question, my voice shakes.

Let's be real, if the class discussions were about anything teething, diapering, about quad strollers, or poop related, I'd have a lot to contribute. These things I know well because I live them with my littles everyday.

I feel most confident around my boys. 

Mothering them.

Time will tell how this back to school thing plays out. 

But for now, I'm enjoying using parts of my brain that I haven't used in a while and slowly remembering what it felt to be "in it" so to speak. Also, I like having a reason to go sit in the library to read articles. It's soooo quiet there :-)

In other news, we hired someone to help us with the boys!! We've been looking since the beginning of August but hadn't found the right person (we had a few potential candidates even take themselves out of the running! Seriously! Apparently, one look at the chaos of our house is enough to make some people suddenly "move out of state") haha.

No matter because we have found someone truly wonderful. This was her first week and what a difference her presence has made already. Like today, we took the boys to the library for story time. Afterwards, she hung out with the triplets while they watched an aquarium full of turtles and Colin and I got to stroll around and pick out books to check-out. It was so delightful.

Everyone was so content and able to enjoy themselves, even me. :)

Saturday night

Rain is pouring down

I spent all night in the kitchen prepping food for the week. I'm hoping that it helps the week run more smoothly! All fruit and veggies are washed and cut up, all my ingredients for our family dinners are ready to go. Some food, like yogurt and garden burgers, are made.

Ahhh, feels so good!!

While I chopped and cooked, I could hear Colin and Chris in the other room watching Notre Dame play on the computer (we don't have cable anymore.... only Roku... that's a whole other post :) I'm still adjusting to not being able to watch live t.v. or channel surf. Not sure how I feel about it yet although we're in month four of no cable- not even basic channels!) 

I got such a kick out of listening to the two of them, Chris explaining the game of football and Colin truly interested. When ND would turn out a less than stellar play, Chris would watch his words and tone carefully as he explained what went wrong. This made me laugh because pre-kids there would for sure be some cursing at the computer.

I will not leave without my soup ingredients!

Today was chilly. It seems fall has truly arrived. The leaves are turning and the kids need their coats consistently when going outside. They pick up leaves and crinkle them in their little hands.

I'm kind of loving this shift into fall.

With that in mind, today just seemed to feel like a soup kind of day. I couldn't get making a hearty soup out of my head and when I realized that it was Wednesday which meant it was Farmer's Market Day, that pretty much sealed the deal. Soup for dinner!

So I decided to make a quick trip over with Carter and Finley. I loaded them in and zipped over, only to  realize when I arrived, that I'd forgotten the stroller.

Nooooooooooo!

Walking around with two almost 18 month olds at a farmer's market- not happening.

I hate when I forget stuff like this.

I didn't have time to go home, get the stroller and come all the way back, given time constraints with the kiddos.

The choice was either to figure out some way to shop with two 17 month olds through the crowded farmer's market or give up my idea of a hearty fall soup and head home.

So I opened up the trunk to see what was in there. This was one of those moments where I was actually thankful that I never clean my car out! haha! It's a hot mess but you're almost sure to find something useful in it.

Sure enough, two Ergos were staring me down.

"YES!"

Let me tell you, carrying two littles that are getting pretty darn heavy thank you very much, one on the front and one on the back, was no picnic. The comments from passer by's at the market had me cracking up!

"oh my.... wow.... two.... okay....interesting..... you are sure weighted down aren't you?...." and on and on.

Stare away folks, say whatever you want but I am getting my soup ingredients!!

.............

Btw, I'm writing this post sitting outside Colin's bedroom, waiting for him to fall asleep. He likes when I do this and I like time to write so.... it works.

I hear the cold wind outside howling. As soon as he's asleep, I'm heading down to pour myself a big bowl of soup and curling up in a blanket to catch up with Chris.

Can't think of much better on this brisk evening.

I love you Finley Joseph

I love your signature walk

I love your sweet smiles, especially that shy smile you give when you catch me watching you play or see me making a silly face at you from across the room. It melts me every time.

I love that you still have some baby fat rolls so that when you run, you jiggle.

I love your kisses; wet, slobbery, and always planted right on my lips.

I love your Buddha belly

I love how you tickle as if you are possessed; hollering and laughing and digging your fingers into my side. It actually hurts but I can't help but laugh because your intention is so pure and sweet.

You arrived screaming out your needs to the world. You wanted to be held, feed, soothed and reassured ALL THE TIME (this is not easy with triplets!). But now you are so easy going.You seem so happy and content with life.

You are caring. Yesterday, when Carter got hurt, you walked across the room, grabbed a pacifier that you'd spied on the floor, walked back to where Carter was crying and presented it to him. I'll never forget that.

You surprise me by how many words you know and by how often you'll suddenly say something knew and totally unexpected. Like blueberry or bellybutton. You seem to know that this surprises me and delight in it.

You still love to snuggle, just like when you were a baby, only now you are getting so big.

You are such a beautiful soul Finley and we have such a deep connection. I feel like we've known each other for a thousand years.

Keep on doing your thing Finley. We love watching you grow.

First day of preschool!!

I want to share the end of the story first.... That Colin's first day of preschool was a huge success! After class, he ran into my arms wearing a huge smile and declaring, "Preschool is fun!"

I didn't tear up when we dropped him off that morning but I did in that moment because I knew my child had loved his first day of school. He was beaming. What more could I hope for?

Now let me rewind.

He was VERY nervous about going to school, separating from me, etc etc. Each night leading up to the first day, we read a social story I made him about school and what to expect. One page reads,

"When mommy says goodbye, Colin might cry or he might not. He knows however he feels is okay."

Each time we'd read that part, he'd say, "Oh no mommy, Colin WILL cry."

On the eve of school he was adamant:

"Okay, fine. I'll go to school but I WON'T play and I WON'T learn any letters!!"

We told him he didn't have to.

The morning of school, we woke up to find Colin in our bed (not an unusual occurrence). I sleepily but excitedly whispered to him, "Today is preschool day!"

"Ohhhhhh.......noooooooooooooooooo........." was his reply.

Before we left the house I said,  "Let's take a picture of you on your way to school!" Maybe he thought I'd said, "Let's take a picture of you on the way to jail...." 

Unhappy boy! :(

Yay! We have a smile!

Back to sad/ worried in the school parking lot....

When we said "goodbye" he cried hard. The teacher had to gently hold him back from running after us. Thankfully, we were confident that he was in great hands. His teacher is a pro and I could hear her lovingly supporting him with her words and arms. I'm so grateful that his teacher is so wonderful. She made all the difference and is the reason Colin ended up having such a positive experience.

After I'd picked him up and we were walking to the car, I noticed he had a little skip in his step. He seemed happy, probably a little relieved, and proud of himself.

And we found out, he even played :-)

Afternoon at the playground

Dear boys,

I had the best time with you this afternoon!

We all trekked over to the playground at Colin's new pre-school (which he starts on Tuesday!!)

It's really fun and fenced in which means I can take you there and actually relax a bit.

Colin, Finn

When it was time to leave, you all strutted out of there like, "oh yeah, we owned that playground!"

My little entourage of boys. I couldn't love you more.

..............

P.S- Daddy comes home tomorrow! Woohoo!

P.P.S- We made it while Daddy was away! Woohoo!

Dinosaur slippers and sweetness from a soon to be big time pre-schooler...

Tonight after reading bedtime stories to Colin, he asks for "just one more" before bed.

I know this is coming so I'm prepared.

"Yup, one more story is fine. Then lights out."

He grabs Chris's 'Fine Homebuilding magazine' (as he's done before), and flips to a page that catches his eye.

"Can you tell me a story about this page?" he asks.

I don't even know what these are! Still, I've learned to just go with it. He rests his head in my lap and I tell him a story about how he and his Daddy are working in the basement and all these machines are there but they're broken and he fixes them all. One at a time, he chooses just the right tools from his tool box and fixes them. Occasionally Colin interrupts to clarify something within the story. "No Mommy, not a wretch. I'd need a saw for this one. A SAW!"

I love being a mom of boys.

When the story is done, he asks for "Just one more"(of course!). I know this was coming and hold firm.

It's time for bed.

I tuck him in, kiss him and start to leave.

"Mommy?" he calls out as I'm just about to close the door.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Mommy, I'm going to miss you when I go to school."

His words pierce right through my heart and catch me off guard in a way I don't expect. I thought he was going to ask for another drink or something.

I know dropping him off on the first day of pre-school will be hard. I know he's worried about it and I know that it will take all of my mommy strength to pull it together if when I drop him off  he's crying. We've been talking a lot about school lately.... the fun he'll have, the friends he'll meet. He's excited. He's a little worried. I'm excited for him... I'm a little worried too. Thus far, he hasn't separated from me much (except when I was on bed rest). With few exceptions, we've always had family members babysit if we needed one and we mostly do things as a family otherwise.

Well, you'll be happy to know I restrained the part of me that wanted to burst into tears and dramatically spew, "I'm going to miss you too!! I'm DREADING the moment I have to drop you off and entrust you to people that I don't even really know yet and amongst peers that I don't know yet! This is going to be SO HARD!"

Nope, didn't say what was really in my head. Instead I mumble something about how I'll miss him too but know that he's going to have so much fun. How he's going to learn new things and meet new friends. I tell him how super fun and nice his teacher is. I tell him that I'd be there every day to pick him up.

"Okay Mommy." he says. I notice that he's still wearing his dinosaur slippers which stick out from underneath his blanket. He looks so precious and small.

I know he's going to thrive at pre-school. I love his teacher, her classroom and her approach to helping these little ones develop. I'm happy for him that he's going to have something that's just his.... a space which he doesn't have to share with his brothers. A place that he can meet friends his own age and have new learning adventures.

But still, my heart will ache a little (okay A LOT) on that first day especially, when I drop him off and say goodbye.

It will take all my mommy strength.

P.S- Later Chris and I had quite a good laugh about all the responses I could have given, such as, "Do you want Mommy to stand outside the window of your pre-school, with my face pressed up against the glass all day, just to make sure you're okay? I will if you want me too! I WILL!!!"

You sure have your hands full!

I can't count the number of times someone has said, "You sure have your hands full" when I am out and about with the boys.

"Yup" I usually say and keep on moving.

But this afternoon I found myself thinking of that phrase and laughing to myself because I LITERALLY had my hands full..... of babies.

Beautiful, soft skinned, sweet smelling yet dirty babies all snuggled up close to me while we enjoyed a lazy afternoon watching 'Yo Gabba Gabba' (that show is oddly relaxing).

I had my right arm around Carter who had climbed up on the couch and snuggled into my side. Then Everett curled up on the left side of me and before I knew it Finn crawled up onto my lap. I could feel each of their little chests go up and down softly breathing.

I looked over and saw Colin sitting with Chris, all of us mesmerized by this wack- a- doodle show.

Chris looked over at me and smiled.

"Isn't this the best?"  he said.

It was. It was the best.

And there's no picture. Because when three 17 month old triplets are quietly curled up in your lap, and your three year old is quietly sitting on your husbands lap NOBODY in their right mind gets up to grab the camera. You just enjoy it while it lasts.

Dear boys,

Last Wednesday was Mom-mom's birthday, so while your Dad worked, we took a day trip over to the other side of the state to help her celebrate. Colin, you threw up twice on the way there. It smelled so awful in the car and I felt so bad for you but I couldn't stop because with four kids in car seats.... I thought stopping would only make things worse. You were such a trooper. Once we got to Mom-moms, you took a bath, ate an entire bagel and were fine the rest of the day. I think you get carsick.

Mimi and aunt Madeline were there too! (I'm so thankful to have a sister-in-law that joins in so wholeheartedly at family events, even if my brother isn't around. On this day I felt like my boys were being extra wild. I was a little embarrassed. But she just goes with the flow and helps me out so much. I am so grateful for her in our lives.)

We ate Chinese, had cake and you boys turned their house into a complete mess. I kept apologizing but Mom-mom and Pop-pop said they couldn't care less about the mess. They were just happy to be able to spend time with you. They love having you around. That's one of the things that's so special about grandparents.

Trips, you also turned 17 months old on Wednesday. For fun, we took a picture in the same chair that we'd taken your picture in last year on this day, when you turned five months.

Five months:

Finn, Everett, Carter

Seventeen months:

Finn, Everett, Carter 

You boys allowed me almost exactly 4 seconds to take a picture before you were done. If I had to use one word to describe you at 17 months it would be: BUSY! and cute. Okay, that's two words.

Busy and cute. Done.