Randoms so far this week

• Oprah ended today. I may have teared up a bit while watching her last show. Yup, I did. I've watched her show faithfully almost everyday for as long as I can remember, with the exception of when I was living in random foreign countries. Love her and loved her show. Today, as part of her finale, she emphasized, "Figure out what you're called to do and get busy doing it". I smiled because I know exactly what I'm meant to do in this chapter of my life. I'm called to be a mother to these wonderful little boys and couldn't be happier about it. 

• Yesterday I looked around at the end of the day and saw empty bottles strewn about everywhere, little people and tools shoved into the diaper pail, red jello embedded into the carpet, and a trail of graham cracker crumbs leading up the stairs. So I did what any good mother would do. 

I opened a bottle of wine.

• The boys and I took a field trip up onto the deck on Monday. Our deck is on the top floor, so to get there from the cave takes two flights of stairs and considerable effort with four little ones. Once we were all settled, I realized that I hadn't brought up enough newborn diapers. Hmmmm.... I could either leave all the boys out on the deck alone while I went in to get a diaper (not a good idea), cart everybody back in with me just to change Finn's diaper (ain't happening), OR:

                                                      

Use one of Colin's diapers that I had on hand! 

You gotta "make it work" sometimes....

• My mother-in-law was here today, so Colin and I went to the Shedd Aquarium in the morning. OMG. I'm pretty sure that every single school in the Chicagoland area was there on a field trip. I've never seen so many unruly, unsupervised kids running around like maniacs in one place. It was crowded, loud and crazy and I regretted my decision almost as soon as we'd paid the enterance fee. However, Colin appeared to really enjoy himself. He especially loved the dolphin show and the jellyfish exhibit. Oh how I love spending time with that kid and watching the wheels in his brain turn when I'm sure he's making a new connection. 

When we got back from the Aquarium, my mother-in-law said, "You know... if you wanted.... I could come every Tuesday night until Wednesday night, to help you out and give you time with colin.... you can think about...." I didn't even let her finish..... "YES! Yes, that would be GREAT! Let's get that in writing, shall we?!" She is so darn good with our boys.

I am so lucky to have such wonderful family help around. Not sure where we'd be without them right now. 

Off to the park, part two

It was Sunday morning and I was feeling a little brave, maybe a little crazy. On a whim I thought "Why not take all the boys to the park?"

It only took an hour to get ready and actually leave, but that's a whole other story ("Do I have the pacifiers? Do I have blankets? Will they be too hot in their sleepers? Yes, I'll change them. Will they be too cold in the onsies I changed them into? Do I have formula just in case? I can't find my phone. I can't find my wallet. Colin doesn't have shoes. Colin wants Finley's seat. Where's my moby wrap to carry Finn so that colin doesn't have a complete meltdown over not getting Finley's seat? Where's the sunscreen? Colin has shoes but no socks."...... and on and on).

Finally we left and I wish I had a picture! We have a Valco stroller (which by the way is AWESOME and if you have two or more kids you should totally check it out). Colin was on one side and the bassinet attachment on the other side held both Carter and Everett. Finn was wrapped to me.

Off we went.

After a stop to Starbucks we arrived at the park and to my amazement all four boys, including Colin, were asleep! So I sat in silence and sipped my coffee. Glorious!

Then Finn woke up.

Then Everett woke up.

I laid him down on a blanket under a tree and watched with delight, as he and Finn cuddled and stretched. Everett LOVES to stretch! Even when he was in my belly, he was always moving and stretching. Maybe he'll be into yoga when he gets older.

Oh, and over the weekend I also hit up a bar.... with all three babies! Yes that's right. The bar is actually Floyds pub (somehow taking babies to a pub just sounds better than a bar) and we sat outside.... so that's not so bad, right?!  The boys were angels, they must have known mama needed that beer! My first in 10 months! It was goooooooood! And the company was even better, my best friend and her husband.

Off to the park

***Written last Thursday then forgot to post :)

Colin, thanks to Grandma's help you and I got to sneak off to the park today. Safe to say, we were both itching to get out of the cave for a bit! You expressed this by starting to throw all the pillows off the couch narrowly missing a few brothers and I noticed that glint of impatience creeping into my voice as I tried to stop you. So you climbed into your cute little car and off we went to get some fresh air and mommy/ colin "special time".

You're cracking me up lately with all your new ideas. You used a stick to gas up the car and then climbed in and pretended to turn the key which was followed by a "vroommmmm!" noise. You even made me stop the car so that you could put on your seat belt (as if it's any sort of bumpy ride). Safety first!

As your mommy, it's exciting and so fun to see your imagination really blossom. At the park, you ran straight for the sandbox and we spent our time as cooks making all sorts of yummy food out of sand.

And you're constantly pointing things out to me as if I'm going to think it's the coolest, most amazing thing in the world and be so utterly relieved that you pointed it out or else I would have missed it! Simple things like the plane flying overhead, the truck driving by, or a baby drinking a bottle (JUST LIKE OUR BABIES DO!) transform from simple, everyday occurrences to exciting events!! What an exciting world it is, seen it through the eyes of a two year old.

Then we went home :)

Bummers and Blessings

Dear babies, 

I'm so frustrated that I can't produce enough milk for each of you. I'm frustrated that I can't find the time to pump and I'm frustrated that we can't seem to find a quiet moment in the day where I can nurse each one of you in peace. It makes me sad. Last night I felt especially sad about it. 

Having each one of you is such an incredible, indescribable joy. Since the day that you were born, life has been oh so good, but also oh so busy. It's as if we stepped onto a treadmill that march 29th morning and haven't gotten off since. Some days finding time to pump is very hard. I'd rather be holding you, caring for you and playing next to you with your big brother.

That said, it was so important to me to be able nurse each of you. Not because of any external pressures to breastfeed or because I obsessively think breast is best! I know you'd be fine exclusively on formula. I just wanted to give you my milk and bond with each of you in that way. I'm not giving up, but bear with me because I'm doing the best I can. In order to stay sane, I'm going to have to be flexible with my own expectations and hopes for nursing each of you.

Every single doctor and nurse said, "You'll never produce enough milk!" which I still think is rude to assume. Back in the day wet nurses used to feed many more babies than three! But in my case, they were right. I just can't do it. Not because I don't think it's possible because I do think it's possible. But what it takes is time, probably a willingness to forgo a schedule, a willingness to forgo sleep, help during all feedings or a willingness to listen to other babies cry while waiting their turn. For us, every nursing session involves weighing the baby before and after feeding, to see how much milk they get so we know what to supplement after, helping them to latch (still at times tricky for two of them), and then still often giving a bottle and pumping after. Right now, I'm lucky if each of my babies gets to nurse once a day. Breast milk, once used for most of the feedings has slowly gotten less and less. I just can't keep up.

My hat goes off to women who somehow manage to find a way to nurse triplets, or even bottle feed breast milk exclusively. To my disappointment, I am not one of those women.

On days that seem especially hectic and I'm spread way too thin, I think about how much easier it would be to return the breast pump and switch entirely to formula. I'd rather cuddle a baby or play pretend with Colin than clean the parts and pump! However, once I do that I know there is no going back. You can't take a break from pumping and resume when things settle down.

I'm not ready to throw in the towel entirely.

I also try and remember that even if I have to give up certain hopes I had, there are still so many unique blessings that come with having multiples.

When I watch Colin lovingly bottle feed each of his brothers, it makes me smile and remember how close they will all be. Not being able to produce enough milk or get enough nursing time with each boy= Complete Bummer. The fact that each of my boys will grow up surrounded by brothers and listening to me tell stories like, "Colin used to feed you, burp you and put diaper cream on you!"= Total Blessing.

Colin and Finn

Bye Bye Gramma and Pop-Pop!

We had another great week with my parents! Thanks to them, I made it through Chris's first week back to work unscathed AND I have my mom's homemade pizza in the fridge to help me cope when I feel overwhelmed. Oh how I wish they lived around the corner!

Looking forward to Grandma Patti's visit this week!

Date Night!

Chris and I had a great time visiting our favorite neighborhood restaurant last night.

However, there were some striking differences I couldn't help but notice, between a Saturday night out before we had kids, and a Saturday night out now that we have four under two and a half years.

Before, I'd put on my make-up while sipping a glass of Cabernet wine and listening to music. Last night, I put on my make-up while wearing my stylish medela pump and go back pack, so I could pump the boys dinner before leaving. Instead of music, I listened to the wahhh, wehhh, wahhh, wehhh, wahhh, wehhh noise of the machine. If you've ever pumped, you know that sound all to well. 

Drying and styling my hair is nixed to tend to a baby that needs cuddling. Easy choice!

Before, if there wasn't a dinner reservation available until 10 p.m. or even later, that was no problem. We rarely made it out before 9 p.m. Last night, our reservation was for 5:30! Even worse, we showed up at 5:15, were the first people there and waited while the staff was still setting the tables and sweeping the floors. 

We were home well before 8:00 p.m because unlike our old life where we could sleep until noon, babies needed to be fed through the night and Colin would be up at 7 a.m. like always. 

Still, those two hours spent sipping wine, eating great food and discussing our future with our boys over candlelight was fabulous! Even if it was still light outside and barely dinnertime. 

It's all fun and games until.....

Your husband, partner in crime and taker of the late, late shift goes back to work.

The schedule was working so perfectly! We'd split the nights in half so that each of us was getting about 7 hours of sleep per night. During the day we were both here, side by side, caring for the crew.

And then he went back to work....

Sunday evening, in anticipation of my taking over the night feedings, I decided to move the babies from the basement up to our bedroom. Since I'd be the one getting up with them through the night I figured that it would be better if in between feedings I could sleep in my own bed instead of on the basement couch. Chris offered to do the 5 o clock feeding before leaving for work. A last minute decision to see how long the babies could sleep after the 11 p.m. feeding was also made after consulting my triplet mommy friends (rather than waking them to eat at 2 a.m.). They all said, "Absolutely let them sleep and when they wake, feed them all".

Super.

I feed them all at 11:00, swaddled them, lulled them to sleep and crawled into bed next to Chris. I was so excited that I texted my mom to share the great news that they were all asleep and who knew, maybe they'd even sleep until around 3:00 a.m! How great would that be?!

No sooner had I laid my head on the pillow than I heard what can only be described as an explosion. Soon enough it was very clear who needed the diaper change and upon further inspection also needed a quick bath. It was intense. By the time he was cleaned up, settled and back in bed, another started crying and needed a diaper change. Then another. Long story short, someone was ALWAYS up- the WHOLE night. At one point I found myself "sleeping" while hanging off the back of the bed and rocking Everett in his bassinet while rocking Finn's bassinet with my foot, and praying for just 20 minutes of solid sleep. The whole time I was thinking, "This is insane!"

Thank God my parents are here because as soon as they got up, I immediately went back to bed. Clearly the babies are not quick ready to be upstairs so back to the basement they went. Until they're each sleeping for longer periods at the same time, there is no sense in everybody being up all night.

Gramma taking us for a walk so mommy can rest

Last night my incredible mother offered to do the 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. feedings and then wake us after that. However, she didn't wake us until 5:30 a.m.!! What a treat! By the way, I never thought that getting to sleep until 5:30 a.m. would be a "treat". Chris had gone to bed earlier the night before so he got up and did the 5:30 feeding and then woke me on his way out the door to work. We both felt like a million bucks after getting a good night's sleep. Thank you mom!!!!

I'm not sure what we'll do tonight, or the next.... or the next.... but I pray these babies start sleeping for longer periods AT THE SAME TIME. That's the key boys- the SAME TIME!

*** I wrote this on monday after a long night of no sleep and then didn't have a chance to click 'publish' until now. haha. I'm not nearly as overwhelmed as I was when I wrote this, but I still had to post it. Gotta remember these good times! I'm learning that so much of figuring out what will work is trial and error- and asking other moms with triplets what's worked for them!

Mother's Day and Our Due Date!

Sunday, May 8th was our due date!

Look how big we're getting!

Whenever mommy lays us next to each other, we link arms and cuddle in close!

For Mother's Day, we also took these:

All in all it was a good day- still filled with lot's of work, diapers, and babies hollering for milk but I was surrounded by these guys and nothing could be better.

Zoo

Colin giving his best lion growl

Yay! We made it out of the house! Yesterday we did a trial run by taking all the kiddos to the park. It was a success and it felt great to be out and about so today we went to the zoo. We planned to leave at 9:30. At 11:30 and exhausted just from getting everybody ready and packing the car, we finally pulled out of the garage. 

We had a great time together but got LOT'S of stares which felt totally uncomfortable. It was as if we were also a zoo attraction.

Colin was so excited to be back at the zoo. It reminded me of this day, which seems so long ago now. 

The Cave

Chris's mom was here last week, which was a HUGE help. On Saturday she left and it's been just the six of us ever since, hanging out together in the basement. Through the blinds I can see that it's been beautiful out, but I really wouldn't know because we haven't ventured out. We've started calling the basement, "the cave" because at times, that's exactly what it feels like. 

There have been some moments were I'm pretty sure we're living in crazy town, USA. Those moments usually involve three babies crying at once, Colin frustrated, Chris and I exhausted and sick of being cooped up, or getting peed on repeatedly. I remind myself that one day we'll leave the basement. It will be easier to go out and do things as a family and they'll get big enough so that having them on other floors of the house won't feel overwhelming. This time will not last forever.

 Then things settle again. 

Colin holds and feeds a baby with the utmost care and places a kiss on each babies forehead, Chris smiles at me across the room, Chris, Colin and I eat lunch together at his mini table and chairs, I lay with three babies snuggled around me, Colin asks to place the babies in their bouncy chairs to watch him play.... These are the truly good moments when again I think, this time will not last forever. 

 One day the cave will be a distant memory. As crazy as these long days in the basement get, I can already picture the day when chris and I will long to be transported back to this time, the six of us hanging out for hours on end, together in the cave. 

First few weeks- what's working?

People ask us all the time how things are going and how we're managing and the truth is, it's going pretty well. That's not to say it isn't A LOT of work because it is. For anyone expecting triplets, these are a few of the things that have helped us the most during the first few weeks.

• Meals. Our church and a few friends have been bringing meals three times a week. It goes without saying that when you're stuck on bed rest or focusing your energy on caring for three newborns and a toddler, cooking a meal is the last thing you have time for at the end of the day. I can barely find time to shower!

• People who volunteer to help with all the stuff that needs to get done but isn't as fun as holding babies. Lot's of people will offer to come hold and feed babies but especially treasured is the person who asks, "Can I come help with the laundry or do your dishes?" 

• Creating a baby zone and keeping the babies there 24/7. Our basement has turned into baby central. They really haven't left the basement yet. One of us is always down there with them. It's where they sleep, eat, and hang out. Occasionally, I've carried a baby upstairs with me if I'm going to get something but it's rare and we call it a "field trip". By surrendering to the fact that we're stuck in the basement has eliminated the stress of having to keep supplies all over the house. Everything the babies need is in one spot. This has also allowed for Colin and the person not on duty to be able to get some quiet, uninterrupted sleep upstairs. It's worked well for us. 

• These bassinets. They rock and are slightly inclined, which helps prevent spitting up- if for some reason you can't burp someone as long as you'd like because someone else is screaming to be fed- not that that ever happens here! Often I'm feeding one baby while rocking another one in the bassinet with my foot. Lastly, they fold up like lawn chairs so you can easily move/ take them anywhere!

• Taking shifts. My AWESOME husband offered to take the 2-9 a.m shift. So, from around 9-4 we're in the trenches together but then at 4 p.m. Chris goes to bed and I stay up until around 1-2 a.m. before waking him up. He gives me a kiss and says good morning and I say good night. Sure we don't see each other quite as much but at this point I'd rather have 6 hours of uninterrupted, solid sleep than quality time with my spouse :) and I know he feels the same! 

• Giving each other a break. Some mornings I come downstairs, look at Chris, surrounded by babies, empty bottles, Colin, toys, diapers, blankets..... and I know by the look in his eye, exactly what he's going to say. "I NEED TO GO TO HOME DEPOT. WE NEED _______". Fill in the blank with whatever you want because the point isn't actually that we're in dire need of anything from home depot. The point is he needs a break- and NOW. There's nothing more calming than strolling around home depot right?? I do the same thing, only my escape is Target. One afternoon, I escaped there and didn't even buy anything! I just circled the store, glad for a break. Driving there and back, I blare music in the car, sing a long, and come back refreshed.

• Keeping the goal of sanity in the forefront. Last week I found myself starting to spiral into guilt land over not being able to provide enough breast milk for the boys. I "should" be pumping every 2-3 hours but the reality has been that I can't get up during the night- I'm just too exhausted. During the day, if Colin's having a meltdown, or the babies need calming, pumping gets delayed. Although I've tried to spend time nursing each one of them, logistically it's hard. Very hard. Originally I intended to tandem nurse two and then either nurse the third, or give the third a bottle. Well, so far that hasn't happened. Just when I found myself going down that road of what more I could/ should and possibly would being doing in different circumstances, I stopped myself.  In my heart I know that I'm giving my all to these boys. As much as I can without loosing my sanity- which wouldn't be good for anyone! I have to believe that somehow it will be enough. 

Thank you to my Dad

After almost three months of living with us, my Dad headed home. It's hard to even put words to how grateful I am for the gift that he's given my boys. I know I was able to carry these babies longer thanks to all the help he gave us. In addition, our worries over who would be here to care for Colin when we could not were completely lifted.

He did all the non-glamorous jobs around the house that somehow needed to get done despite everything going on. The trash cans were always empty, the kitchen was cleaned, the grocery shopping completed, and the laundry done. Chris would joke how he'd place a sock in the laundry basket and an hour later it would be clean and back in his closet. I still can't figure out how he managed to stay on top of the laundry.... I sure can't seem to do that! Most importantly, my Dad cared for Colin in all the ways that I could not (lifting him onto the bar stools for lunch, dressing him, carrying him up the stairs for nap time, chasing him at the park, going on long walks).

When I was in the hospital for three weeks, my Dad's role in Colin's little world became even more important. Chris was still working as much as possible (so that he could save his time off for when the babies arrived), while caring for me at the hospital, and spending time with Colin at home. It was a lot to juggle. Every single morning, my Dad drove Colin to the hospital to spend time with me. The three of us would often take a "field trip" down the hospital lobby and sit by the windows. Colin would watch the cars, trucks and buses going by and my Dad and I would talk. Although that time period was incredibly challenging, I carry with me such fond memories of our chats by the window.

Thanks to my Dad, Colin got introduced to Costco where they'd visit often. Chris and I aren't members but my Dad is. I have to do cartwheels to get Colin to try new foods at home but he can't get enough of the samples at Costco! Apparently as soon as they'd enter Costco Colin would say, "Eat!" and they'd travel around to all the sample tables. Cracks me up. Chris and I also now have jumbo size containers of salt, milk, baby wipes, you name it. :)

The two of them also spent a lot of time out front doing yard work and greeting people passing by. Just the other day I was sitting out front with Colin and a man walking his dog strolled by and asked, "How are the triplets?!" I had no idea who he was so I cautiously responded, "Good". As he walked off he said, "I've heard all about them because I'm friends with your Dad." Ha! We've lived here almost three years and know very few neighbors. My Dad's here three months and gets to know most of them. No surprise there.

Each night before bed, Colin would kiss Pop-Pop goodnight and say "Help, help!" while pretending to shovel and work. My Dad would make the same gesture and say, "You bet! Get a goodnight sleep and tomorrow we'll work again! I'm going to need your help!" "Okay!", Colin would respond, with a big smile on his face, clearly excited for the next day. No matter how early Colin would get up, my Dad was always happy and willing to get up and play.

Needless to say, we loved having my Dad around. When I rewind a few years to the day I sat by his hospital bed and learned he had stage 4 multiple myeloma, one of the things I wondered most was, "Will my children get to know him?" Well, not only does Colin know him, but they have formed a deep and lasting bond. For that I am so grateful.

When my Dad packed up his things and left last week I didn't know quite how to thank him for what he's done for us, except to say that we are better for his example, and that we'll look to pay it forward with our own boys.

One last picture before saying goodbye